《上帝的笑》 花样年华 第一章（1） 花样年华 第一章（1） 领 养 戴比·莫恩老师的一年级学生们正在就一张全家福讨论着。 照片中有一个小男孩的发色与其他家庭成员的发色有所不同。其中一个学生说这个小男孩可能是领养的。 一个名叫乔瑟琳·杰的小女孩说道：“我知道所有有关领养的事，因为我就是一个被领养的孩子。” “领养是怎么回事呢？”另一个孩子问。 乔瑟琳回答说：“领养的意思就是你是在妈妈的心里长大的，而不是在她的肚子里。” adopt teacher debbie moon’s first graders a picture of a fly. one little boy in the picture had a different color hair from the other fly members. one child suggested that maybe he irl named jocelyn jay said, “i knore a huge suitcase, has been riding a london bus for five miles along its route, all the to avoid the ticket collector. finally, the conductor manages to corner him and tells him to pay up：“you’ve been on for five miles—that’ll be 50 pennies, please, and 10 pennies for your suitcase.” the scotsman responds：“i haven’t, i ot on this very moment.” they begin to argue, and the ticket collector become more and more enraged and finally, as the bus is passing over london bridge, he grabs the scotsman’s suitcase, and hurls it out of the bus. it lands in the river and sinks e me for the ticket—but noone a drouages charles berlitz, randfather maximilian d. berlitz inaugurated the berlitz method of foreign language teaching in 1878, gre five languages at home. his mother spoke to him only in french. his grandparents stuck to german, and a cousin used just spanish. the cook used english and the housekeeper spoke in gaelic.

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 花样年华 第一章（2） 花样年华 第一章（2） he found nothing remarkable in this.“i just thought that different people spoke in different in my job as a medical technologist and the harsh alaskan ive me very dry skin. one night as i prepared for bed, i rubbed my hands loves. as i sat in bed reading a book loves on, my husband finished sho and came into the room. drying himself off, he an putting it on. “?” i asked. “oing to be formal, so am i.” 用沙盖住影子 士兵们刚刚转移到沙漠中，他们要学习的东西很多，因为他们以前谁也没有到过这样的地方。 由于沙漠里没有树木和建筑物，所以，想让卡车躲过敌机是十分困难的。因此，士兵们进行了伪装训练，也就是说，把一些东西椅起来，不让敌人发现。教官向士兵们演示了如何在卡车上用浅绿、黄色和棕色画出不规则的图形，然后士兵们用系上了许多小布片的网罩住卡车。 那个开那辆最大的卡车的司机，费了九牛二虎之力才将车伪装起来。只是涂画这辆卡车，他就花了好几个小时，随后又找来一张网罩住汽车，并用一些大石块把网固定好。万事俱备后，他骄傲地欣赏完自己的作品就去吃午饭了。 然而吃完饭回来却发现卡车的影子让伪装好的车子暴露无遗，他感到吃惊而又焦虑。随着太阳的西落，影子变得越来越长。他一动不动地看着影子，头脑里一片空白。这时，一位军官走了过来， 毫无疑问，他也看见了影子。 “喂，”他对那位可怜的司机喊道，“你打算怎么办？ 如果敌机飞过，飞行员一眼就能看出这是一辆卡车。” “我明白，长官。”士兵答道。 “嘿！不要只是站在那里发呆！” “我该怎么办呢？长官？” 可怜的司机问。 “当然是拿起你的铲子，用沙把影子盖住呀！”军官答道。 cover the shados in the desert, it iven training in camouflage, something so that the enemy cannot see ular patterns reen, yellogest truck e it. he spent several hours painting it, preparing a net and searching for some heavy rocks with which to hold the net down. when it was all finished, he looked proudly at his work and then went off to have his lunch.

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 花样年华 第一章（3） 花样年华 第一章（3） but e ro longer and longer as the afternoon advanced. he stood looking at it, not kno oing to do about it? if an enemy plane comes over, the pilot nothing!” said the officer. “ been married a long time, my husband sometimes needs a gentle reminder of a special occasion. on the morning of our 35th anniversary, at the breakfast table in these same t doht at me and said, “so, you land. he alland for his holidays, but then last year he thought, “i’ve never been outside this country. all my friends go to spain, and they like it very much, so this year i’m going to go there too.” first he he land people drive on the left, but in spain they drive on the right. nat forgot about this, and a busy street, a bicycle knocked him doround for a fe maps at the side of the street, and he at once came to nat and said,“map of the city, sir?” 大头娃娃 一个男孩哭着对他的母亲说：“所有的小朋友都嘲笑我，说我有一个大脑袋。”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 花样年华 第一章（4） 花样年华 第一章（4） “别听他们的，”母亲说，“你的脑袋很漂亮。别哭了，去商店买10斤土豆吧。” “购物袋在哪里啊？” “没有了，就用你的帽子吧。” a boy head a boy cried to his mother, “all the children make fun of me. they say i have a big head.” “don’t listen to them,” his mother said, “you have a beautiful head. no and go to the store to buy t bag?” “i haven’t got one—use your hat.” 太多了 在一列穿越欧洲的旅游火车上，有一个俄国人、一个古巴人、一个美国商人和一个美国律师。 俄国人取出一大瓶伏特加酒，给自己的旅伴们每人倒了一杯，然后随手把剩余的半瓶酒扔出了窗外。 “你为什么要这样做啊？”美国商人问。 “我们国家盛产伏特加，”俄国人说，“实际上，我们的酒多得喝不完。” 过了一会儿，古巴人掏出上等的雪茄分发给每个人。他只抽了两口，就把手中的雪茄扔出了窗外。 “我原以为古巴的经济颓废，”那个商人说，“可你却把那么好的烟都给扔掉了。” “雪茄嘛，”古巴人回答，“在古巴一角钱就可以买12支。雪茄多得我们都不知道该怎么办了。” 这位美国商人坐在那里，静静地想了一会儿，然后站了起来，一把抓起律师，把他从窗口扔了出去。 too much a russian, a cuban, an american businessman and an american la across europe. the russian took out a large bottle of vodka, poured each of his companions a drink and then hurled the semifull bottle out the ars. he took a couple of puffs of his and then tossed it out the ht the cuban economy .” the businessman said. “yet you threood cigar aars,” the cuban replied, “are a dime a dozen in cuba. ot up, grabbed the laift. i told him i impractical and romantic. on our anniversary night, he presented me old bracelet. “a little four-letter et this for you,” he said softly. “oh, how sweet,” i whispered.“l-o-v-e?” “no.” he replied. “s-a-l-e.”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 花样年华 第二章（1） 花样年华 第二章（1） 靶 子 我的厨艺一直以来都是全家人取笑的对象。一天晚上，由于晚餐准备得太快，弄得厨房里全是烟雾，连烟雾探查器也响了起来。虽然我的两个孩子在学校里都接受过防火安全训练，然而他们对警报却毫无反应。我很生气，怒气冲冲地在房间里到处找他们。 我在浴室里找到了正在洗手的他们。我的声音大过了警报声，要求他们辨别那种声音。 “是烟雾探查器。”他们不约而同地回答。 “你们知道那种声音代表什么吗？”我问道。 “当然，”大一点的孩子回答，“晚饭已经好了。” target my cooking has alet of fly jokes. one evening, as i prepared dinner a bit too quickly, the kitchen filled h both of my children had received fire-safety training at school, they did not respond to the alarm. annoyed, i stormed through the house in search of them. i found them in the bathroom, their hands. over the loud buzzing of the smoke alarm, i asked them to identify the sound. “it’s the smoke detector,” they replied in unison. “do you kno’s bad habit as a professional animal trainer, i developed a bad habit. every time i hung my out a large rocer, a banker and a politician got lost in the forest. eventually they came to a farmer’s house and asked if he could put them up overnight.

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 花样年华 第二章（2） 花样年华 第二章（2） “sure,” the farmer said, “but i’ve got room for only tasping, “i can’t take the smell.” “all right.” said the grocer. “i’ll sleep in the barn.” and off he rocer complained, “but that barn tops them all.” “you treat ambition: to be the lucky customer . for this ets free goods. this may be your lucky day!” for several ave up hope. the cupboards in her kitchen s, ainst buying things but failed. she dreamed of the day er of the supermarket in your basket is free.” on friday morning, after she had finished her shopping and taken it to her car, she found that she had forgotten to buy any tea. she dashed back to the supermarket, got the tea and er of the supermarket approach her. “madam,” he said, holding out his hand,“i ratulate you! you are our lucky customer and everything you have in your basket is free!”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 花样年华 第二章（3） 花样年华 第二章（3） 得不到回报的祈祷 在我们修道院附近的超市，我急急忙忙地装了满满一推车的东西。突然之间，我有了一种不安的感觉：我带的钱可能不足以支付所有的商品。绝望之下，我把所有的东西都摆在地板上，跪下来开始把所有东西的价格加在一起。 正在此时，一个年轻的超市管理员走了过来。他弯下腰，对我耳语道：“修女，无论你怎么费劲祈祷，我们现在都不会降价。” unans that i didn’t have enough money to pay for all the goods. in desperation i emptied all the items onto the floor and kneeing doan to add up the prices. just then a young supervisor strolled over, bent do the prices.” 十二张卡片 我十多岁的女儿在她的祖父母家度过了几周的暑假生活。临回家时，祖父给了她12张卡片。 “记得每个月都给我们写封信。”他说。 几个月过去了，卡片一直原封未动——直到有一天，女儿收到这样一封信： “亲爱的詹妮芙： 生活是由不同的阶段组成的。 还是个孩子的时候，我希望成为一个青少年——我如愿以偿了。 还是个年轻人时，我希望遇到一个年轻的女子，恋爱、结婚——我如愿以偿了。 结婚后，我希望成为一位父亲——我如愿以偿了。 作为父亲，我希望成为一位祖父，有漂亮、聪明的孙子孙女——我如愿以偿了。 接着，我希望有一天他们能给我写信——我却还没有如愿以偿。 爱你的祖父” 12 post cards my teen-age daughter to return home after having visited her grandparents for a ferandfather gave her 12 post cards. “here, es. as a child, i looked for a teenager—that happened. as a teenager, i looked for a young man—that happened. as a young man, i looked for a young in love and becoming a married man—that happened. as a married man, i looked for a father—that happened. as a father, i looked for a grandfather to beautiful, intelligent grandchildren—that happened. then i looked foruests turned to a man by his side to criticize the singing of the to entertain them. “y wife.”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 花样年华 第二章（4） 花样年华 第二章（4） “oh, i beg your pardon. of course, it isn’t her voice, really. it’s the stuff she has to sing. i .” “i did,” story and sent it to a famous editor conan doyle. after a fery. she ood? you did not read it. before i sent it to you, i pasted together page 18, 19, and 20. this es ether. is this the g, i don’t have to eat all the eggs in order to see uard shouted, “take your seats, please!” the professors heard the guard and rushed for the train. tot on the train before it moved. the third one ghead. he looked ht the train. that’s quite good, you knooodbye.”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 花样年华 第三章（1） 花样年华 第三章（1） 您可以下来了 我的一个朋友在游船上工作。由于潮水当时涨得很高，船停靠在墨西哥的一个港口，游客们不得不踩着一条很窄的跳板才能上岸。 当一位七十多岁的老妇人站在跳板的顶端时，船上所有的工作人员都吓呆了。 跳板太窄，根本没有搀扶老人的空间。因此，老妇人只好慢慢地侧着身子往下走，最终当她安全抵达码头后，大家悬着的心才放了下来。下来后，老妇人转过身，冲着跳板的另一端喊道：“没事的，妈妈，您现在可以下来了。” you can come do on socked at a mexican port during a very high tide. everyone on board angplank as a passageer in her 70’s appeared at the top of the plank. there ed along sloged a for his album. the artist did the little thing and asked a million francs. “ate hotel in ton, d. c. that night, as the husband ht, his bride asked, “do you think this room is bugged?” “that time ago, sroom searched under the tables and behind the pictures. then he turned back the rug. sure enoush, there gizmo in the floor. he took out the screot rid of the hard the newly weds were awakened by a hotel clerk who wanted to know if they had slept well.

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 花样年华 第三章（2） 花样年华 第三章（2） “room. “ht the couple in the room belo once, late at night, an englishman came out of his room into the corridor of a hotel and asked the servant to bring him a glass of lishman re-entered his room, but a feain and once more asked the servant for a glass of ht him another glass of lishman lishman ,” the englishman ans straight instead of sideht, this crab is really special. i can’t let him get aot married immediately. the next day she noticed her ne sideot upset. “ht before ot there st. peter ates e repair, and he e estimates.

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 花样年华 第三章（3） 花样年华 第三章（3） the black contractor looked the job over carefully and estimated the job at $600. ure, he said, “$200 materials, $200 labor, and$200 profit.” st. peter then asked the je over the job at all—$2600. asked houre he anset the lo ive me the name of a good one?” the clerk looked in a book and then said, “dr. kenneth grey, 61010. ” henry said, “thank yon very much. is he expensive?’” “es his patients tain, doctor. ” for a fe anything. then he nodded and said,“oh, yes.” he exned him and then said,“everything’s going as it should do. just continue ave you last time.” 给我一元钱 儿子：爸爸，给我1角钱。 父亲：儿子呀，你不觉得你已经长大了，不应该再这样1角1角地要钱了，不是吗？ 儿子：爸爸，我觉得您说得对极了。那么，给我1元钱，行吗？ give me a dollar son: dad, give me a dime. father: son, don't you think you're getting too big to be forever begging for dimes? son: i guess you're right, dad. give me a dollar, the bar exam, a man opened his o idle at his desk ht in!” our la ushered in our laree to that amount.” slamming the phone doreeted mr. jones:“good morning, mr. jones, from the phone company,” mr. jones replied, “i’m here to connect your phone.”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 花样年华 第四章（1） 花样年华 第四章（1） 两个猎人 两个猎人租了一架小型飞机去加拿大的一个偏僻地区打猎。要下飞机的时候，飞行员特意嘱咐他们：“千万记住，只允许带一只驼鹿，因为飞机只能承受那么大的重量。”听飞行员说完，两个猎人就打猎去了。 一个星期过后，当飞机返回原地接他们时，飞行员却看到猎人的身边有两只驼鹿。飞行员生气地说道：“我提醒过你们，只能带一只驼鹿。你们必须放弃一只，因为飞机根本承受不了这样的重量。”“哦，帮帮忙，”两个猎人哀求道，“去年那个飞行员就带了两只驼鹿呢。你真是个胆小鬼。” 飞行员害怕被扣上胆小鬼的帽子，于是就勉强同意了。飞机刚刚越过一个湖，就开始逐渐下沉。飞行员使尽浑身解数也未能逃脱劫难，飞机最终坠落在哼的一片树林里。过了一会儿，一个猎人站了起来，看着飞机的残骸说：“我们这是在哪里？”另—个猎人回答：“哦，我觉得比去年还远了100码呢。” t off the hunters, the pilot tells them,“remember only one moose, because the plane ht than that.” the hunters go off. a by the lake uys only one moose. and you’ll have to leave one because ht.”“oh, come on,” beg the t to be accused of being a co both moose on the craft. the plane starts across the lake, straining to take off. the pilot tries and tries to no avail and the plane crashes into the trees at the end of the lake. a to one of the hunters gets up and looks at all the scattered debris of the o to the post office to mail his resume in anticipation of a job intervieency in his voice, i grabbed a handful of change and dashed out the door. arriving at the post office, i rushed to the counter and breathlessly explained to the clerk that my envelope had to be delivered immediately. he casually hed the envelope and said it h my pockets and tallied up my coins. “but i don’t have $10.03,” i said. he punched some more buttons and said. “okay, that adam.”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 花样年华 第四章（2） 花样年华 第四章（2） once more i said in dismay, “sorry, i don’t have $ 7.40.” “hed, “exactly hoet the pigeon ready.” 超前思维 一个老人和一个年轻人乘火车旅行。年轻人问：“对不起，请问现在几点了？”老人没有说话。“对不起，现在几点了？”老人还是一言不发。“先生，我在问你现在几点了。你为什么不回答我？”老人这才开口说道：“孩子，下一站就是终点站了。我没见过你，所以我们是陌生人。假如我现在告诉你，或许我就一迫邀请你去我家做客。你长得很英俊，刚好我有一个漂亮的女儿，那样你们会相爱并且结婚。你想想，你连手表都买不起，我为什么要选你当女婿呢？” think ahead an old man and a young man are traveling on the train. the young man asks:“excuse me, you er. if i anshter. you et married. tell me, the movie for a half-hour, the husband turned to his i’ve ever seen!” the reed.“ shake little tom.” 守财奴 曾经有一个身材高大而且肥胖的女人，她的丈夫却很瘦小、单薄。丈夫在一家大公司任职，每个周五的晚上领取工资。所以每周五他一回家，他的妻子就让他交出所有的钱，然后只给他每天吃午饭的钱。 有一天，这个小丈夫非常兴奋地回到家，急匆匆地进了客厅。他的妻子正嚼着巧克力听收音机。“亲爱的，你绝对猜不出我今天遇到了什么事。”他说。几秒钟之后他又说：“我中了一万英镑的彩票。” “那太好了！”他的妻子兴奋地说。但是没垢秒钟，她又非常生气地问：“等等，你是用什么钱买的彩票？” a penny pincher there e, fat company and iven his es every friday evening. as soon as he got home on fridays, his ive her all his money, and then she used to give him back only enough to buy his lunch in the office every day.

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 花样年华 第四章（3） 花样年华 第四章（3） one day the small man came home very excited. he hurried into the living-room. his to the radio and eating chocolates. “you’ll never guess htedly. but then she thought for a ferily, “but mrs. ferdinand said to her husband：“roger, there’s a meeting at mrs. young’s house at lunch time today, and i o to it. i’ll leave you some food for your lunch. is that all right?” “oh, yes.” her husband ansht. oing to leave for my lunch?” “this tin of fish,” mrs. ferdinand said, “and there are some cold, boiled potatoes and some beans here, too.” “that’s good.” mr. ferdinand said. “i’ ll have a good lunch.” so mrs. ferdinand . all the ladies lunched at mrs. young’s house, and at three o’clock mrs. ferdinand came home. “er?” she asked. “yes, but my feet are hurting.” he ans?” mrs. ferdinand asked. “e ht a small plane and learned to fly it. he soon became very good and made his plane do all kinds of tricks. george had a friend. his name e offered to take mark up in his plane. mark thought, “i’ve traveled in a big plane several times, but i’ve never been in a small one, so i’ll go.”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 花样年华 第四章（4） 花样年华 第四章（4） they e fleain, mark lad to be back safely, and he said to his friend in a shaking voice, “e, thank you very much for those te e several men in the locker room of a private club after exercising. suddenly a call phone that s. a man picks it up and the follo conversation ensues： “hello?” “honey, it’s me. are you at the club?” “yes.” “great! i am at the mall 2 blocks from e. i saorgeous!! can i buy it?” “o ahead and get it, if you like it that much...” “ahhh and i also stopped by the mercedes dealership and saave me a really good price... and since e the bmht last year...” “ up, something else...”“ht look like a lot, but i your bank account and...i stopped by the real estate agent this morning and i salish garden, acre of park area, beachfront property...” “ho?” “only $450,000... a magnificent price, and i see that o ahead and buy it, but just bid $420, 000. ok?”“ok, ss up, closes the phone’s flap and raises his hand the phone and asks to all those present: “does anyone knos to?”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 花样年华 第五章（1） 花样年华 第五章（1） 陪审团主席 在一个小城市，一位法官正在审理一起酒后驾车案迹被告不仅有过酒后驾车的记录，而且声誉也不是太好，现在只是缺少一个陪审团作出裁决。因为已经接近下午四点，找个陪审团来会耽误很多时间。因此，法官宣布休庭后，就到外面随便挑选了一些人来充当陪审团。刚一出门，他就发现大厅刚好有12个律师，便请求他们充当陪审团。 听了法官的话，这些律师们认为这将会是一次新奇的经历，因此，便跟随法官回到了法庭。不到10分钟，案子就已接近尾声，因位告明显是有罪的。陪审团回到陪审室进行商议，法官就等着宣布结果，马上回家。每个人都在等待着最后的判决。 大概过了3个小时，法官已经彻底失去了耐心，便派法警去看看判决为什么耽误了这么久。当法警回来后，法官问他：“怎么样？他们是否作出了最后的判决？” 法警摇摇头说：“判决？天啊，他们为了推选陪审团主席，还在进行演讲呢！” the foreman’s position a judge in a small city a drunk-driving case and the defendant, under the influence, demanded a jury trial. it etting a jury e called a recess and to impanel anyone available for jury duty. he found a dozen laht this e back to the courtroom. the trial uilty. the jury e started getting ready to go home, and everyone e up the verdict. e said, “ot a verdict yet?” the bailiff shook his head and said, “verdict? hell, they’re still doing nominating speeches for the foreman’s position!” 天堂里的教皇 教皇去世后，就来到了天堂。圣彼得问候他：“见到你很高兴，一切都已经安排就绪。”随后，圣彼得带着他走到街上，看了看教皇的新房子。那是一栋小巧而舒适的别墅，一共有五个房间。圣彼得建议教皇先安顿下来，然后再四处去拜访其他的居民。 在这里，教皇不仅与许多老朋友重逢了，而且还认识了不少新朋友。其中有一位已故的律师，邀请教皇到家里吃午饭。到律师家后，教皇顿时惊呆了！那是一栋有45个房间的大厦，有桑拿间、健身房、漂亮的图书馆以及宽敞明亮的房间。 午饭后，教皇碰巧在街上又看到了圣彼得，便上前问道：“我可不是发牢骚啊！为什么我只能得到一个小别墅，而那个律师却有那么豪华的大厦？” 圣彼得回答说：“你看，我们这里到处都是教皇，可律师却只有他一个。” pope in heaven the pope dies and goes to heaven. st. peter greets him and says. “glad to see you; ot your place all ready.” peter then takes the pope doe of 5 rooms. peter advises the pope to settle in, and then the other residents.

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 花样年华 第五章（2） 花样年华 第五章（2） the pope meets many old friends and makes several ne, the pope is astounded to see a 45-room mansion, ht-room, a beautiful library, and spacious, airy rooms. after lunch, the pope spies st. peter on the street and says, “not to complain, but i’m curious as to e . neither of them in the morning on this significant day. his parents o all by himself like the big kids did in the older grades. it seemed that tommy’s only , he should kids oing and follo.

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 花样年华 第五章（3） 花样年华 第五章（3） all morning long, his mom and dad ood so far. lots of things.” said tommy. “, dear?” his mother asked. “did you learn ho more interesting than that. ht that arten to learn. but it had been so long since they had been in school they couldn’t remember. they asked him to call them ot home from school at the end of the day. the afternoon passed slo at four o’clock. it songs?” tommy replied, “no, ebra.” his parents ebra taught in kindergarten noht ot home from day. on the h school. “look!” tommy said, “it’s my school!” “tommy!” said his dad, “that’s the high school! that’s only for big kids!” tommy replied, “you told me to follo kids to school. i thought the bigger the kids, the better the school.” 谁死得更惨 天堂门外站着三个男人。圣彼得说：“对不起，我们这里的人太多了，你们三个之中只有一个人能够进入天堂。所以，你们三个人之中，死得最惨的那个才能进来。” 第一个人说：“哦，我刚结婚不久，我很嫉妒我的妻子和她的男性朋友，于是上班的时候，我不准他任何一个男性朋友。可我今天下班比较早，一到家我就发现咖啡桌上放着两个葡萄酒杯。我便问妻子为什么有两个杯子，她红着脸一言不发。我搜遍了整个屋子，想找出妻子的男性朋友，最后我看到有个人正抓着我家阳台的栏杆。一怒之下，我对着那双手一阵狂踢，直到那个流氓从15层楼上掉到一堆纸箱上。当我发现他还活着时，就搬起家里的冰箱扔了下去。就在这时，我突发心脏病而死。” 圣彼得说：“噢，够惨的！下一个？” 第二个人说：“我是一个窗户清洁工，一天，我正在公寓的17楼清洗窗户。不幸的是，安全带突然崩断，我掉了下来，幸亏抓住了15楼阳台的栏杆。我摒住呼吸，等着人来救我。忽然有个神经病人乱踢我的手，终于，我失手掉进下面的一堆纸箱。当我迷惑地睁开眼睛，却看到一个冰箱正朝着我的头砸来……” 圣彼得说：“哎哟……够惨的。下一个？” 第三个最后说：“唉，当时我正躲在冰箱里，突然……”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 花样年华 第五章（4） 花样年华 第五章（4） ic death three stood by the golden gate and st. peter said, “sorry, ic death of all may enter the heaven.” the first man spoke, “et jealous of my lasses on the coffee table and oing on, she blushed and rasping the railing on our balcony. in a fit of rage i stomped on the hands until the rascal fell 15 stories doe and thro. in the process of doing this, i had a heart attack.” st. peter replied, “an to speak,“i am a my o the seventeenth story an to fall. i reached out and in a stroke of luck, grabbed on to a balcony railing on the fifteenth. i to catch my breath and rip and fell into the bin beloe come crashing do in the fridge a drunk decides to go ice fishing, so he gathers his gear and goes around until he finds a big patch of ice. he heads into the center of the ice and begins to sa voice comes out of the sky. “you again. once more, the voice speaks, “as i said before, there are no fish under the ice.” the drunk looks all around, high and lole soul. he picks up the sa, the huge voice interrupts.“i have to er of this hockey rink.”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 花样年华 第六章（1） 花样年华 第六章（1） 一个坏印象 在一列火车上，有6个乘客刚好坐在同一个包厢内。有5个人很安静，举止优雅。唯独第6个年轻人态度十分粗鲁，给其他旅客带来了许多麻烦。 这个年轻人拖着两个沉重的皮箱下了车。没有一个人帮助他，直到他走得很远了，一个人才打开窗户，冲着他大喊道：“你把什么东西留在包厢里了！”然后又关上了窗户。 年轻人拎着两个沉甸甸的皮箱，转过身，急匆匆地跑了回来。他筋疲力尽地跑到窗前，大喊道：“我把什么东西忘在车上了？” 当火车再次发动时，叫他回来的旅客打开窗户，说道：“一个极坏的印象！” a bad impression six people in a compartment on a train. five of them man a lot of trouble to the other passengers. at last this young mall got out at a station s. none of the other passengers helped him, but one of them man behind in the compartment!” then he closed the ain. the young man turned around and hurried back s. he h the an to move again, the passenger overnor of nereat success. one day, as governor, he the state prison at sing-sing. sing-sing is one of the largest prisons in the united states. the head of the prison asked mr. smith to say something to the prisoners. mr. smith had never spoken to this kind of audience before. he did not knoin. finally, he said,“my fellooes to prison he is no longer a citizen. he began again, “my felloht, so he said：“lad to see so many of you here today.” 妻管严 传说，古代有个国家的臣民都受妻子管制。国王很想驳斥这一传言。于是，他把全国的男人都召来，并警告说，要严惩任何不讲真话的人。然后，国王命令那些顺从妻子的男人站到大厅的左边。 结果，所有的男人都站到了左边，唯独一个小个子男人站到了右边。

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 花样年华 第六章（2） 花样年华 第六章（2） “太好了，”国王说，“我们国家到底还是有一位真正的男子汉。你告诉这些软弱无能的笨蛋，为什么这么多人中只有你站在大厅的右边。” “陛下，”那个男人尖声尖气地答道，“因为在出门之前，我老婆告诉我，不许扎堆。” henpecked husbands the ruler of all ancient kingdom dom brought before him and ht. “it’s good to see,” said the king,“that dom. tell these chicken-hearted dunces them stand on the right side of the hall.” “your majesty,” came the reply in a squealing voice, “it is because before i left home my uy named fred decided that he h and tough enough to seek his fortune in the wild west.

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 花样年华 第六章（3） 花样年华 第六章（3） so, fred found his h and tough he hts and didn’t skim too much off the receipts. he told fred that he (fred) a fine job, but he should remember one thing:“if you ever hear even a rumor that mad martin is coming to toht explanation. he erous guy they’d ever heard of and feot all about it. until, one day a fe through to, “martin’s coming. head for the hills!” the result uy because he didn’t believe he could be all that tough. so, fred just put the bottle of red eye on the bar, hid behind the counter, and . soon there e, mean-looking guy ride dogest bull buffalo that fred had ever seen. the guy stopped the buffalo in front of the bar, jumped off the beast, punched it in the head and belloet back!” the fellouy had a pair of huge mountain lions on leashes. he tied them both to a post and kicked them soundly, hollefing,“you pussycats stay here till i’m done!” the cats fearfully sat do the doors off the ulp. poor fred, thoroughly frightened by nouy looked do at?” fred managed to say, “n... n...n...nothing, mister. do you ot to get out of here—mad martin’s coming! 谁是最伟大的人 一个法官、一个教堂主教和一位指挥家正在进行一场辩论。三个人都是虚荣自负的人，他们的话题很快转到他们之中谁是最伟大的人上。 “嗯，”法官说，“我的职业既高贵又拥有权力，当我走进法庭的时候，狱警会说‘全体起立！’接着所有人都会站起来向我致意。” “好极了，”主教说，“人们站起来向你致敬。当我出现在教堂里，人们会跪在我的面前，亲吻我的戒指，并称呼我为‘陛下’。”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 花样年华 第六章（4） 花样年华 第六章（4） 指挥家哼了一声，说道：“我觉得你们都不如我。当我作为客座指挥走上指挥台的时候，人们都垂着头，用手捂着眼睛，说道，‘噢，我的上帝！’” e, a bishop, and a conductor a discussion. all three reatest. “e, “my position is one of dignity and po, and they address me as ‘your holiness. ’” the conductor snorted and said, “i think i got you both beat; uest conductor, the people look do a boastful american from texas shohts of london by a taxi-driver. “ there?” asked the taxan. “that’s the tos like that in t noham palace, sir, ain asked, “hey, cabby, over there?” “i’m afraid i don’t kno!” 一只勇敢的猪 我小的时候生活在华盛顿。到了周末，爸爸常常带我们到南部的卡罗莱纳州去玩。正是在那里我们看到了什么是“真正的生活”。爸爸会沿路开一会儿车，然后把车停在路边，找农场里的人聊聊天。 正当爸爸和一个农妇聊天时，我发现了这只猪…… 那只猪很漂亮，可只有三条腿，右后腿还是用木头做的！我对这点很好奇。于是就问那个农民： “先生，为什么你的猪有一只木头腿啊？” “是这样的，孩子。这是一只勇敢的猪。有天晚上，我和妻子正在房里睡觉时，这只猪跑进来叫醒了我们，我们才知道房子着火了。我们立刻跑了出去，才保住了性命。” “这只猪的腿是在那场火灾中烧坏的吗？”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 花样年华 第六章（5） 花样年华 第六章（5） “不是的，它完好无损地跑了出去。实际上，它甚至还跑了回去，把我们的孩子也救了出来。” “那为何这只猪会有一只木头腿呢？” “我已经告诉你了，孩子。那是只勇敢的猪！一只英勇的猪！它救了我们全家人的性命！” “是的，先生。可是为何它有只木头腿呢？” “孩子，像这样的猪，我们是不舍得一次就把它吃光的！” a brave pig i lived in dc , and dad used to take us on the road for a to the people there. dad up a farmer’s ... it . but it only had three legs. the right back leg have a ?” “eous pig. the ht, came running in and ot out alive.” “and the pig got its leg burned up in the fire?” “nope. pig got out just fine. matter of fact, he even have a ?” “i told you, boy. that is a brave pig! a heroic pig! that pig saved our lives!” “yes, sir. but !” “boy, a pig like that, you don’t eat all in one sitting!”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 花样年华 第七章 花样年华 第七章 心理学 几位来自不同国家的商人正在一艘游览船上开会，这时船开始下沉。船长指挥他的助手说：“去告诉那些人穿上救生衣，往水里跳。” 几分钟后，助手回来报告：“这些人不肯往水里跳。”“交给我吧，”船长命令道，“看我是怎么做的。” 没过多久，船长回来说：“他们都跳下去了。” “你是怎么做到的？”助手问。 “我运用了心理学。我告诉英国人这是体育锻练，他就跳了。我告诉法国人这是流行的事，我告诉德国人这是命令，我告诉意大利人这是被禁止的。” “那你是怎样让美国人跳的?” “很简单，”船长说，“我告诉他，他已经上了保险了。” psychology several international businessmen an to sink. “go and tell those fellouys moments later, he announced, “they’ve gone.” “hoy. i told the englishman it thing to do, and he jumped. i told the frenchman it et the american to jump?” “no problem,” said the captain. “i told him he japan e group of students. as most of them could not understand spoken english, he had to have an interpreter. during his lecture he told an amusing story time. at last he stopped to allohed loudly. after the lecture, the ood story of mine into such a short japanese one.” “i didn’t tell the story at all.” the interpreter ansh, please.’” 三只狗 在一场狗秀的活动中，人们要选出一只世界上最聪明的狗。有三只狗进入了决赛，它们的主人分别是：医生、建筑师和律师。 最后的比赛是给每只狗一包骨头，看看它们能用这些骨头做些什么。医生说道：“听诊器，上！”这只狗搭了一个人体骨骼。 裁判们想立即给这只狗颁发奖品，但是他们还是决定给每只狗一次机会。 建筑师说道：“滑尺，上！”他的狗建造了一座悬桥。 裁判们左右为难，到底该选哪一只呢？ 律师说道：“钻（法律）空子，上！”这只狗吃掉了骨头，对那座桥征收了百分之百的税，并向其他两只狗进行勒索。 the three dogs there once sho. three dogs belonged to a doctor. one dog belonged to an engineer. and, one dog belonged to a la iven a bag of bones to see o!” the dog built a human skeleton. the judges ht then. but, they decided to give the other dogs a try. the ensineer said, “slide-rule, go!” the dog built a suspension bridge. the judges o!” the dog ate the bones, got a percentage of all the tolls from the bridge and scres.

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 聪明人生 第一章（1） 聪明人生 第一章（1） 自己准备 在校园里广为流传着这样一个故事：有一次，一个学生给他的父母发了一封电报，上面写道：“妈妈，我的功课没有一门及格的，我已经被学校开除了，请爸爸做好准备。” 过了两天，这个学生收到回电：“爸爸已经准备好了，你自己也做好准备吧！” prepare yourself a story around campus has it that a student once sent a telegram to his parents reading：“mom-flunked all courses. kicked out of school, prepare pop.” tineering had once ”. the ”. “hi, you are freshmen, aren’t you?” he asked. one student bolder than the others asked him ho’ to a class, if they are freshmen they say‘good morning’ too. if they are sophomores, they quietly fold their papers aet back to them. a class of seniors nore my greeting, and keep reading the papers. ’ to a class of graduate students, they that you have been cheating on your tests.” johnny over your test and the question irl that sits next to you, mary, put ‘george ton’, and so did you.” “so, everyone knows that he was the first president.”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 聪明人生 第一章（2） 聪明人生 第一章（2） “ht and i remembered that,” said johnny. “ the louisiana purchase?’ mary put ‘i don’t knoh rockefeller gave aer told him. “is that the lo here by myself and only need a small room.” the manager said, “that room is the smallest and cheapest the clock on there ame on tv last saturday evening. the game ame just began. an hour later, my the game. as the time clock shoame, she began cheering enthusiastically, “come on—get going!” since she had never been a football fan, i looked at her in surprise and asked for. “neither,” she replied. “i’m cheering the time clock on.”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 聪明人生 第一章（3） 聪明人生 第一章（3） 老人智慧的迸发 爷爷在83岁的时候，第一次住进了医院。“这是干什么用的？”他抓起系在枕头旁边的呼叫铃的绳子问道。 “那是拉铃用的，爷爷。”我回答说。 他拉了几下问：“我怎么袒到铃响呀？” “哦，不是它响，”我解释道，“你一拉这根绳子，护士值班室的灯就亮了。” “原来如此！”他愤怒地说，“如果护士想开灯的话，她完全可以自己动手嘛。” a seniors sparkle at age of 83, granddad ing.” “oh, it doesn’t ring,” i explained. “it turns on a light in the hall for the nurse.” “nantly. “if the nurse ht on in the hall, she can turn it on herself.” 律师咨询费 一位律师的狗挣脱了绳索，径直跑到肉店，叼起一大块烤肉就跑。肉店老板来到那位律师的办公室理论：“假如有一只没有被拴住的狗从我的肉店里偷了一大块烤肉的话，我有没有权利向狗的主人索要赔偿？”那个律师回答说：“一点不错。” “这么说你得赔给我8.5美圆。今天是你的狗跑了出来，偷了我的烤肉。” 那位律师二话没说， 开了一张8.5美圆的支票。 过了一段时间，肉店老板在查看邮箱时，看到了一封律师寄来的信，上面写着：请付20美圆的律师咨询费。 consultation fee a la, running about unleashed, beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. butcher goes to la running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do i have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog’s o me today.” the lae later the butcher opens the mail and finds an envelopes from the lawyer: $20 due for a consultation 大猩猩 一天，一个失业的演员到动物园去参观。失业让他感到很沮丧，因为他必须要赚钱。 在动物园，他看到大猩猩的笼子里根本没有大猩猩，前来参观的人都很失望。因此他开始做出一些搞笑的表情，扮成大猩猩的样子来逗小孩子开心。人们逐渐把他围拢起来。他模仿大猩猩的举动引得人们笑个不停。动物园的管理员发现这一情况之后，就把他拉进了办公室。 管理员向这位表演者解释说，动物园中最吸引人的大猩猩于昨天晚上突然死了。她害怕来动物园参观的人数会因此而减少。在她找到另外一只大猩猩入驻动物园之前，她会给这个失业的演员提供一份工作，那就是要他穿上一件大猩猩的服装来扮大猩猩。这个演员非常满意这份工作，于是接受了她的提议。第二天早上，这个演员穿上大猩猩的服装，在人群还没有到来之前就钻进了笼子。他非常喜欢他的新工作，想睡就睡，想玩就玩，还可以作弄人。 他所装扮的大猩猩比他曾经作一个演员时所吸引的人还要多。然而，人们最终感觉不再新鲜，陆陆续续地走了。他注意到人们似乎对他隔壁笼子里的狮子更感兴趣。 为了重新赢得人们对他的关注，他爬到自己笼子的顶端，接着再爬到狮笼那里，让自己在狮笼的上面飘来荡去,惑得狮子勃然大怒，然而这个举动显然受到了人们的欢迎。一天的工作结束后，动物园的管理员因为他能很好地引起大家的注意，就给他加了薪。

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 聪明人生 第一章（4） 聪明人生 第一章（4） 几天过去了，这个演员一直在不停地逗弄着狮子。围观的人们越来越多，他的薪水也越加越多。 但是，有一天，这个演员手一滑，刚好掉进了狮笼。他害怕极了。狮子皱了皱眉头，正要向他扑过去。这个演员大声尖叫起来：“救命啊！救命啊！” 狮子将他扑倒在地。这个演员看着这只生气的狮子，狮子开口说道：“快闭嘴吧，你这个笨蛋！你想让我们两个都被炒鱿鱼吗？” the gorilla one day an out of orilla in the gorilla cage. people funny faces and pretending to be a gorilla. a small crohed at his impression of a gorilla. the zookeeper grabbed him and took him into his office. she explained to the actor that the zoo’s most popular attraction, the gorilla, had died suddenly the night before. the zookeeper feared that attendance at the zoo et another gorilla shipped to her zoo. she offered the out of orilla suit and pretend to be the gorilla until the zookeeper could find a real one to come live in the zoo. the actor the actor put on the gorilla suit and entered the cage before the croorilla than he ever had as an actor. horeo a more and more attention to the lion in the cage next to his. not to lose the attention of his audience, he climbed to the top of his cage and crae. he dangled from the top of the lion’s cage. this made the lion furious but the croave the actor a raise for being such a good attraction. time passed and the actor kept taunting the lion. the croreer, and his salary kept increasing. hoht into the lion’s cage. he athered itself and prepared to pounce. the actor began to scream and yell. “help me! help me!” he cried. the lion pounced on him and knocked him to the ground. the actor looked up at the angry lion and the lion said “shut up, you idiot! do you et us both fired?”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 聪明人生 第二章（1） 聪明人生 第二章（1） 真正的勇气 在一艘船的甲板上，有一位美国将军、一位俄罗斯将军和一位英国将军，正在一起观看军事演习。他们的话题转移到人的勇气上， 这时俄罗斯将军炫耀道：“俄罗斯的士兵是世界上最勇敢的！” 对此，美国将军反问道：“哦？真的吗？” 俄罗斯将军说：“当然，看着。尤芮，从甲板上跳下去绕着船游一圈。”(下面就是冰冷的大西洋)尤芮二话没说就执行了命令。俄罗斯将军转过头说：“看见了吗？这就是勇气的典范。”美国将军不服输，便叫来他的一个部下，命令道：“杰克，从桅杆上跳下去，然后绕着船游七圈。”可怜的杰克一声没吭地服从了命令。然后，美国将军说：“这才叫勇气。” 接着他们的目光都转向了一直站在旁边沉默不语的英国将军，然后他们问他：“你们的人如何？” 英国将军叫来了一个人说：“特雷弗，从桅杆上跳下去，然后从船底下游过去，帖了吗，老家伙？” 特雷弗双眼瞪着他的将军。 “你的意思是说让我从桅杆上跳下去。” “是的。” “然后从船底下游过去。” “是的。” “你一定是发疯了！” 说着，特雷弗转过身，悠闲地离开了。于是，英国将军转过来对那两个人说：“瞧，这才叫真正的勇气呢！” true courage an american general, a russian general and a british general are standing on the deck of a ship e, and the russian general boasts,“russians are the most courageous people on earth!” upon es him:“oh yeah?” the russian says,“sure! here, yuri! jump off the deck (into the freezing atlantic) and se!” the american has to top this, so he calls up one of his underlings and gives him the order:“jack, jump off the main mast into the ocean,and soes off e!” so they both turn around to the british general around these antics silently. they ask him:“uy calls up one of his people and says:“trevor, jump off the mast and seneral. “let me get this right. you , trevor turns around and saunters off. e!” 第一个男朋友 从前有一个名叫珍妮的小女孩，艘住在农场。珍妮喜欢和农场里的小动物一起玩耍，她的父母喂养了母牛、小鸡和小猪。珍妮还有一个名叫杰森的哥哥，她也喜欢和杰森一起玩。可是杰森比她大好几岁，他还是喜欢与自己的朋友一起玩。因为杰森的年龄已经够大了，可以骑自行车，也能够骑车离开农场了。 杰森可以骑着自行车到附近的农场，和与他同龄的男孩一起玩。

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 聪明人生 第二章（2） 聪明人生 第二章（2） 珍妮迫不及待地想要长大，那样她就可以去上学了。她明白只要可以每天乘校车到城里去上学，她就可以和其他女孩成为朋友。当珍妮5岁的时候，她终于可以去上学了，可是她却没有交到朋友。表面看来，她和其他同龄的小女孩没有什么共同之处。幸运的是，珍妮有一个充满爱的家庭。她的父母每天晚上都会在睡觉前替她盖上被子，接着各自给她一个吻。 他们保证她很快就会找到和校车上其他女孩的共同点。 一天，珍妮放学回到家，非但没有忧郁，而且还是欢蹦乱跳的。于是父母便问她发生了什么事情，珍妮向他们解释说，她已经找到与校车上其他女孩的共同之处了，她终于开始和她们成为朋友了。 “珍妮，你和那些女孩有什么共同之处呢？”父亲问道。“我有一个男朋友。”珍妮说，她的父亲非常感兴趣，“珍妮，你知不知道什么是男朋友呀？”她的母亲问道。 “我听其他女孩说，她们盼望能长大一点，那样的话，她们就可以交男朋友了。因此我就去问老师史密斯太太，什么是男朋友。她告诉我男朋友就是吻你的男生。所以在回家的路上，我告诉那些校车上的女孩，我已经有男朋友了。现在，他们都很羡慕我，并且想要和我做朋友。”现在，珍妮的父母有些担心了。“是哪个男生吻你了？你的男朋友是谁呀？”珍妮的母亲问道。“有什么问题吗？就是爸爸呀。”珍妮说，“他每晚都会吻我，跟我说晚安，因此他就是我的男朋友。仔细想想，妈妈每晚也会吻我，跟我说晚安，因此我认为你是我的女朋友。我要和校车上的女孩说，我也有一个男朋友和一个女朋友啦！” first boyfriend once upon a time, there irl named jenny. jenny and her fly lived on a farm. jenny liked to play s. jenny also had a brother and his name h to ride a bike, he h to leave the farm yard. jason hboring farms and play e. jenny couldn’t h to go to school. she kneirls to be friends et on the bus to go into the city for school each day. oing to school. she difficulties making friends though. it seemed she didn’t have anything in common irls her age. fortunately, jenny came from a loving fly. her mother and father ht at bedtime and each of them ive her a kiss. they promised her that she that she had in common irls on the bus. one day, jenny came home from school. instead of being melancholy, she that she had in common irls on the bus. she to make friends irls, jenny?” her dad asked. “i have a boyfriend,” jenny said. her parents om asked.

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 聪明人生 第二章（3） 聪明人生 第二章（3） “i heard the other girls talking about to be older so they could have boyfriends. i asked my teacher mrs. smith irls on the bus on the you? oodnight. that makes him my boyfriend,” she said. “come to think of it, mommy kisses me goodnight, too, so i guess that makes you my girlfriend. irls on the bus hear i have a boyfriend and a girlfriend, too!” 他懂了 两个美国人在西班牙旅游。一天上午，他们走进一家小餐馆吃午饭。他们不会说西班牙语，侍者也不会说英语。他们想让侍者知道他们想要点一些牛奶和三明治。 起初，他们说了好多次“牛奶”，接着又写了下来，而侍者还是不明白他们说的是什么。 最后，其中一个人拿出一张纸，画了一头牛。画完后，侍者看了一眼，便跑了出去。“看到了吧，”其中的一个人说道，“一支铅笔对一个身在国外并遇到困难的人来说是多么重要！” 不一会儿，侍者回来了，不过拿的却不是牛奶。 他在这两个人面前放了两张斗牛的表演票。 he understood t in spain. one morning they came into a little restaurant for lunch. they did not knolish. they an to dra his dra, n country?” the ain some time after, but he brought no milk. he put doht. 订客房 一位男士给一家旅馆写信，想要预订房间，并询问可否带狗一起入住。 以下是旅馆经理的回信： “我经营旅馆已三十余年。我从未请警察把一只没有教养的狗驱逐出去，从未发现有哪只狗用香烟将床铺烧着，也未曾看到狗的箱子里有旅馆的毛巾或毯子。毫无疑问，我们欢迎你的狗到来。 “附言：假如你的狗能为你担保，你也能一同前来。” making reservations a man s er ans. never had a dog set fire to a bed arette. i have never found a hotel to’s suitcase. certainly the dog too.”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 聪明人生 第三章（1） 聪明人生 第三章（1） 小提琴课 “爸爸，我能学拉小提琴吗？”小莎拉问她的父亲。她总是要这要那，所以她的爸爸很不高兴。 “你已经花了很多钱了，莎拉，”他说，“起初你想学骑马，然后想学跳舞，后来是游泳。现在又想学拉小提琴。” “我会每天都练习的，爸爸，”莎拉说，“我会认真刻苦的。” “好吧，”她爸爸说。“我会这么做：我付6个星期的小提琴课的钱，6个星期后你必须拉首曲子给我听。如果你拉得很好，就可以继续上小提琴课，如果你拉得很差，就不要再学了。” “行，爸爸，”莎拉说，“这很公平。” 很快，她的父亲就找到了一个很好的小提琴老师，莎拉开始学拉小提琴了。虽然学费很高，但她的父亲兑现了诺言。 6个星期很快就过去了。该莎拉拉小提琴给她的父亲听了。 她走进起居室说：“我准备好拉小提琴给您听了。” “好啊，莎拉，”她的父亲说。“开始吧。” 莎拉开始拉了，她拉得很差，小提琴发出可怕的噪音。 刚好她父亲的一位朋友也在旁边，朋友再也无法忍受，只好用手捂着耳朵。 一曲终了，她的父亲说：“很好，莎拉。你可以继续学琴了。” 听到父亲这么说，莎拉高兴地跑出门去。在场的朋友对她的父亲说：“你已经花了不少钱了，可她还是拉得不怎么样。” “噢，的确如此，”她爸爸说，“但自从她开始学小提琴以后，我就可以以很便宜的价格买下这幢楼的5个公寓。再过6周，我就可以拥有整幢楼啦！” violin lessons “daddy, can i learn to play the violin?” young sarah asked her father. she for things and her father , then dancing, then s. noht,” her father said. “this is for me. if you play ood violin teacher and sarah began her lessons. the teacher room and said. “i’m ready to play for you, daddy.” “fine, sarah,” her father said, “begin.” she began to play. she played very badly. she made a terrible noise. her father had one of his friends the violin i’ve been able to buy five apartments in this building very cheaply. in another six !” 谨 慎 一位父亲正在和他的女儿一起玩耍。这时，小家伙说道：“爸爸，我今天在学校读到一篇关于动物的文章。文章里说，冬天它们都会换上一件崭新的皮外套。”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 聪明人生 第三章（2） 聪明人生 第三章（2） “小点声！”父亲赶紧打断女儿，“你妈妈在隔壁。” hter et a neuy explained,“but i couldn’t stand the pain. if you can make my hair look like yours me any discomfort, i ing the secret on his first visit to a produce market, an inexperienced shopper sa up each tiny carton of cress, peering closely at it, turning it upside do it. eager to learn something, the neing the secret of his odd behavior. “not at all,” he replied. “i’m looking for my car keys.” 第一次约会 和第一次约会的女友共度了整个晚上之后，男士连一分钟都难以忍受了。约会前，他就偷偷和朋友商量好了，一旦遇到这种状况，朋友就打电话给他，这样他就可以找到离开的借口了。 回来后，他垂下了眼睛，一脸沮丧地说： “我有一个坏消息，我的爷爷刚刚去世了。” “感谢上帝，”女友回答道：“多亏你有坏消息，否则我就会有坏消息告诉你了。” blind date after being , the man couldn’t take another minute ed to have a friend call him to the phone so he like this happened. rim expression and said,“i have some bad nerandfather just died. ” “thank heavens,” his date replied. “if yours hadn’t, mine would have had to!” 当敌兵袭击你时 警官正在给他的连队上一堂战斗课，他问：“约瑟，假如你看到有700名敌兵正朝你冲过来，你会怎么办？“ 约瑟说：“我会用我的枪打死他们。” 警官问：“你看到你的右方有400名敌兵正向你扑过来，你会怎么办?” 约瑟说：“我会用我的枪打死他们。” 警官继续说：“很好，约瑟，你注意到你的左方有1,000名敌兵正直冲你奔来，你会怎么办?” 约瑟又回答：“我会用我的枪打死他们。” 警官大叫：“稍等，约瑟，你是从哪里得到这些子弹的?”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 聪明人生 第三章（3） 聪明人生 第三章（3） 士兵笑了笑，说道：“您在同一个地方从哪里把这些敌兵调集来的呢?” eant a class on combat for his company. he said,“jose, at you?” jose said,“i eant asked,“on the fight you see 400 enemy soldiers charging at you. eant continued, “okay! on your left, jose, you notice 1,000 enemy soldiers heading straight at you. eant yelled,“just a minute, jose. etting all those bullets?” the soldier smiled and said, “etting all those enemy soldiers in the same place?” 四减四等于几 一天，老师问彼德：“四减四等于几？”彼德结结巴巴地答不上来。老师生气地说：“你可真笨！你想想，假如我在你的口袋里放四个硬币，可你的口袋里有个窟窿，结果四个硬币都漏掉了。那么，你的口袋里还剩下什么？”“窟粒”彼德答道。 4-4=？ one day, the teacher inquired peter:“houe-tied. the teacher got angry and said:“ leak out, now what is left in your pocket?”“ the hole,” replied peter.

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 聪明人生 第四章（1） 聪明人生 第四章（1） 大自然的一件糟糕的作品 惠斯勒为一位知名人士画完肖像后，问那个人是否喜欢。 “不，我不能说我喜欢它，惠斯勒先生。你不得不承认这是一件差劲的艺术作品。”“对，”惠斯勒透过自己的单片眼镜看着对方，回答道，“可是您也要承认，您是大自然的一件糟糕的作品。” a bad at his sitter through his monocle, “but then you must admit that you are a bad one to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him in his exnations, and he o to see the professor to urge him to let jack continue his studies the follo year. “he’s a good boy,” said jack’s father,“and if you let him pass this time, i’m sure he’ll improve a lot next year and pass the exnations at the end of it really ive him another chance,” said jack’s father.“you see, i’m afraid o i in the street ht nobody ainst the lahed,“the trouble is that i didn’t notice there was an ox at the other end of that rope.”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 聪明人生 第四章（2） 聪明人生 第四章（2） 休 假 汤姆不喜欢上学，总是找借口不去。如果他打喷嚏，他就让妈妈写个纸条说自己感冒了。如果他头痛，他就在上课时间，叫妈妈带他去看病。他待在家里的时间远比在学校的时间多。在他真正去上学的日子里，他会编造借口早点回家。 一天早上，刚上了一半课，他就从学校回来了。看到他回来，他的爸爸很惊讶，便问道：“你今天回来得这么早，学校放学了吗？” “没有，爸爸，”汤姆说，“还没到放学的时间呢，我先回来了。” “你怎么会提前回来呢？”爸爸问，“你跟老师怎么说的？” “我告诉她我有了一个，我得回家帮你。” “可你的妈妈生了一对双胞眙，”爸爸说，“一个男孩，一个女孩。你有一个和一个小妹妹。” “是的，我知道，爸爸，”汤姆说，“等下个星期，我再说我有了个小妹妹。” a holiday from school tommy hated school and for excuses not to go. if he sneezed, he asked his mother to he had a cold. if he had a headache, he asked his mother to take him to the doctor during school hours. he spent more time at home than he did at schoo1. on the days that he did go to school, he looked for excuses to come home early. one morning he came home irl. you’ve got a baby brother and a baby sister.” “yes, i kno up my baby sister for next a blind man to cross the road uide dog cocked its leg, then urinated on its o. a passerby remarked：“that’s extremely tolerant of you, especially after out e mid- lady ht before the judge to ansiven her for driving through a red light. she explained to his honor that she ht hasten on to her classes. a leam came into the judge’s eye. “you are a school teacher, eh?” said he. “madam, i shall realize my lifelong ambition. sit doh a red light five hundred times.’”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 聪明人生 第四章（3） 聪明人生 第四章（3） 他的答案只比正确答案多二 杰克·霍金斯是美国一所学院的橄榄球队教练。他总是试图物色优秀的球员，但是优秀球员的成绩往往很差，得不到学校的认可。 有一天，教练领着一位优秀的年轻球员去见院长，恳请院方同意他免试入学。经过教练的一番劝说后，院长说：“我最好先问他几个问题。” 校长转向学生，问了几个特别容易的问题。而那个学生什么都不会。 最后，院长说：“那么，5乘以7等于多少？” 学生想了很久之后，回答说：“36。” 院长摊开双手，绝望地看了看教练。可是教练十分诚恳地说：“噢，录取他吧，先生。他的答案只比正确答案多2。” he by te, and he to find good players, but they h to be accepted by the college. one day the coach brought an excellent young player to the dean of the college and asked that the student be alloht for a long time and then ans by trom ive your ht and a fortune. he dropped a quarter in the slot, and the computer screen displayed：“you h 195 pounds, you’re married and you’re on your o.” milgrom stood there dumbfounded. another man put in a quarter and the computer read：“you h 184 pounds, you’re divorced and you’re on your o.” milgrom ed his clothes and put on dark glasses. he ain. the computer read:“you still h 195 pounds, you’re still married, and you just missed your plane to san diego!” 一元钱 老师问汤姆：“你今天早上为什么迟到了？” “有个人丢了1元钱。” 汤姆回答说。 “噢，我明白了，是你帮助他找到钱的。”老师说。 “不，我一直站在那1元钱上，直到所有的人都走了。” 汤姆回答说。 one dollar the teacher asked tom:“?” “someone lost one dollar.” ans. “oh, no find the money,” the teacher said. “no, i stood on the money until the person ’s reply.

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 聪明人生 第五章（1） 聪明人生 第五章（1） 聪明的博比 布朗因自己的小儿子而格外自豪。有一次，他跟一位客人炫耀他的儿子有多聪明。 布朗说：“他才两岁，就能辨认出所有的动物了，他肯定会成为一名出色的自然学家。来，让我演示给你看。” 他从书架上拿下一本自然书，把博比抱到膝上，翻开书页。他指着一张长颈鹿的画片。 “博比，这是什么？” “马马。”博比回答。 他又指着一张老虎的画片，博比回答说：“猫咪。”然后布朗又指着一张狮子的画片，博比说：“狗狗。” 他又指着一张黑猩猩的画片，博比说：“爸爸！” clever bobby bro son. once he to a visitor, telling the man hooing to be a great naturalist. here, let me shoiraffe. “er gy.” and math my son, his sophomore year as a psychology student. “mom,” he said excitedly, “i have found the ans college! it isn’t the grades that are so important, but the quality of these math.” he replied. 捎杯牛奶 半夜两点时，科尔肯太太确信自己听到客厅里有贼，就对丈夫说：“别开灯，轻手轻脚地下楼，悄悄地靠近他，别被他发觉。” 科尔肯先生义无反顾地披上外套，前去捉贼。刚走到卧室门口，他的妻子又加了一句：“回来的时候给我捎杯牛奶。” bring me a glass of milk at 2 a. m. mrs. culkin room. “tiptoe dohts. sneak up him before he kno.” dutifully, mr. culkin put on his robe. just as he reached the bedroom door, his me a glass of milk.” 预言 每当邻居家的男子向罗宾逊家走来的时候， 罗宾逊就知道他一定又是来借东西的。 “这次他什么也别想借走。”罗宾逊朝他的妻子小声嘀咕道。

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 聪明人生 第五章（2） 聪明人生 第五章（2） “嗯，我想知道你今天早上是否用这把电动锯？”邻居又开始借东西了。 “噢，真是太不好意思了，”罗宾逊一幅自鸣得意的表情，“其实，我要用一整天。” “假如是那样的话，”邻居说，“你肯定不会用高尔夫球杆了，你不介意把它借给我吧？” prediction every time the man next door headed to to borro. “he et a your po,” the neighbor began. “oh, i’m terribly sorry,” said robinson look, “but the fact of the matter is, i’ll be using it all day.” “in that case,” said the neighbor, “you your golf clubs, mind if i borrouy spots his doctor in the mall. he stops him and says, “six o o home, get into bed and stay there until you called. but you never called.” “i didn’t?” the doctor says. “then out of bed?” 地 坑 从前有一个农夫，他家就住在马路附近。 这条马路并不繁华， 偶尔才会有汽车从农场经过。靠近农场大门口的马路中间有一个大坑。 这个坑里总是积满了水。从表面上看，汽车司机根本辨认不出坑的深浅，他们会认为是一个很浅的坑。 一旦车子掉进了坑里，司机们就别想再开出来，因为坑太深了。 农夫没有花多少心思去经营农场，大部分时间都盯着这个坑。 每当汽车开进坑里时，他就用拖拉机把汽车拉上来，然后向司机收取很多费用。 一天，一位汽车司机对他说：“你没日没夜地把汽车往外拉，肯定挣了很多钱吧。” “哦，不，”农夫说，“我夜里不拉汽车，我还得往这个坑里灌水呢。” this hole in the ground there ate, there e hole in the road. this hole ht it on his farm. he spent most of it the hole. ed the driver a lot of money for doing this. one day, the driver of a car said to him, “you must make a lot of money pulling cars out of this hole night and day.” “oh, no,” the farmer said, “i don’t pull cars out of the hole at night. at night i fill the hole with water.” 您的大衣着火了 老师为了培养学生先思考后发言的习惯， 便告诉他们在说出重要事情之前先数到50，假如是特别重要的事情，就要先数到100。 第二天，老师在讲课时背靠着火炉。这时，他发现好几个学生的嘴唇在很快地动。 忽然，全班学生一起喊道：“98，99，100。老师，您的大衣着火了！”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 聪明人生 第五章（3） 聪明人生 第五章（3） your coat is on fire the master, to impress on his pupils the need of thinking before speaking, told them to count fifty before saying anything important, and one hundred if it , standing rapidly. suddenly the ht, ninety-nine, a hundred. your coat is on fire, sir!” 不要和小孩争论 一个小女孩和她的老师正在谈论有关鲸鱼的事情。 她的老师说：“一头鲸鱼从身体构造的角度看，是不可能吞掉一个人的。因为尽管鲸鱼是一种非常巨大的哺乳动物，可它的嗓子非常小。” 那个小女孩说：“约拿（一位西伯来先知）就是被鲸鱼吞掉的。” 她的老师非常生气，她再次告诉小女孩说：“从身体构造角度来讲，鲸鱼是不可能吞掉一个人的。” 那个小女孩说：“那等我到了天堂，就去问问约拿。” 她的老师问：“那么，假如约拿下了地狱怎么办？” 那个小女孩回答：“如果是那样的话，你就去问他。” don’t argue irl to her teacher about h it e mammal its throat irl stated that a irl said,“et to heaven i irl replied,“then you ask him.” 退后两英里 一位农民和他的儿子坐着马车来到一条狭窄的小巷， 他们看到一个司机正往他们这个方向开来。两个方向2英里以内已经没有空间让他们擦身而过了。司机焦急地按着喇叭。 “假如你不往后退，”农民撸着袖子说，“我并不喜欢我将邑须去做的事。”司机甚是惊讶，挂了倒挡，退后了2英里，让马车先过去了。 “刚才你说你并不喜欢做的事是什么啊？”农民的儿子问。 “退后2英里。”农民回答。 back up t by horse and buggy up a narrooing the other up his sleeves, “i oing to have to do.” the surprised driver put his car in reverse and backed up t the horse and buggy to go by. “er’s son. “back up tiles,” replied the farmer. 妇女的回答 丈夫问他的妻子：“上帝为何要创造出漂亮却又愚笨的女人呢？” “这个啊，”妻子马上回答说，“很简单，上帝让我们这么美丽，男人才会爱上我们啊；上帝让我们这么愚笨，我们才会嫁给你们啊。” a an’s ansen to be beautiful but foolish?” “ple. god made us beautiful so men ade us foolish so arry them.”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 聪明人生 第五章（4） 聪明人生 第五章（4） 人尽其才 一天，一个小男孩手里拿着一张清单，急匆匆地走进一家杂货店。 “史密斯先生，你好。” 他说，“3毛2分钱1磅的咖啡，请给我13磅。” “好的。”杂货店老板飞快地记了下来。 “还需茵的东西吗，查理？” “是的。再要27磅糖，9分钱1磅的。” “要不要面包呀？ 还需要什么？” “七磅半咸肉，2毛钱1磅的。” “肉是名牌的，还茵的吗？” “9毛钱1磅的茶叶，给我来5磅；8分钱1品脱的糖浆，要11夸脱半；2毛1分钱的大火腿，要两个8磅的；2毛4分钱一罐的腌核桃要5打。” 杂货店老板把账单理了出来。 “你买了很多东西，”他说，“你妈妈叫你现在把钱付清吗？” 小男孩一边把那精确整洁的账单放进口袋，一边说：“这和我妈没关系，这是我自己的算术作业，我必须想办法把它做出来！” nothing to do rocery one day ood,” said the grocer, and he noted do else, charlie?” “yes. tar at 9 cents.” “the loaf, eh? and ood brand. go on.” “five pounds of tea at 90 cents; eleven and a half quarts of molasses at 8 cents a pint; tht-pound hams at 21 cents, and five dozen jars of pickled rocer made out the bill. “it’s a big order,” he said. “did your mother tell you to pay for it?” “my mother,” said the boy, as he pocketed the neat and accurate bill,“has nothing to do et it done somehoot a job in a big city and moved there arage and it hbor came by. hbor stopped and looked at it for a minute. then hank turned and sahbor said,“that’s a nice car. is it yours?” “sometimes.” hank anshbor s to my daughter, jane. ame somes to my son, joe. s to my as, it’s mine.

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 聪明人生 第五章（5） 聪明人生 第五章（5） 给我一个不同的理由 一位军官发现没有一个士兵在驻守营地。这时终于有一个人跑过去，一路上气喘吁吁。 “对不起，长官！我可以解释，你知道的，我去赴了一个约会，就晚了一点。我跑到车站，可是没赶上公车。我叫了一辆出租车，可是半路上坏了，我又看到了一个农场，买了一匹马，可是马在半路猝死了。我就跑了10英里，现在才回来。” 军官有些半信半疑，可是至少他回来了，就让他走了。过了一会儿，有8个士兵跑了回来，军官问他们为什么迟到。 “对不起，长官！我可以解释，你知道的，我去赴了一个约会，就晚了一点。我跑到车站，可是没赶上公车。我叫了一辆出租车，可是半路上坏了，我又看到了一个农场，买了一匹马，可是半路猝死了。我就跑了10英里，现在才回来。” 军官看着他们，根本不相信，但是他已经让第一个士兵走了，所以他不得不放走他们。就在这时，又有一个士兵气喘吁吁地跑了回来。 “对不起，长官！我可以解释，你知道的，我去赴一个约会，就晚了一点。我跑到车站，可是没赶上公车。我叫了一辆出租车，可是……” “让我猜猜看，”军官打断了他，“出租车在半路坏了。” “不是啊，”士兵说，“路上有好多死马，我用了好长时间才绕过它们。” give me a different reason the officer found that none of his soldiers heavily. “sorry, sir! i can explain, you see i had a date and it ran a little late. i ran to the bus but missed it. i hailed a cab but it broke doht a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and noo. moments later, eight more soldiers came up to the officer panting, he asked them ht a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and no very skeptical but since he let the first guy go, he let them go, too. a ninth soldier, jogged up to the officer, panting heavily. “sorry, sir! i had a date and it ran a little late. i ran to the bus but missed it. i hailed a cab but...” “let me guess,” the officer interrupted. “it broke doet around them.”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 聪明人生 第六章（1） 聪明人生 第六章（1） 与上帝为伍 一个农民买了一块破旧、荒废的农场，他计划着把农场改造成一座欣欣向荣的园林。农场目前的状况是杂草遍布，房屋破旧不堪，四周的篱笆也东倒西歪。 在他着手改造的第一天，一个城里的传教士停下来祝福他：“愿上帝与你一起实现你的梦想！” 过了几个月，那个传教士又一次来拜访农民。驻足观看，这里发生了天翻地覆的变化：房屋重新被整修过，条件也优于从前，成群的牛羊正在欢快地吃着青草，地里的庄稼也成排地生长着。“太不可思议了，”传教士惊呼道，“看啊，上帝和你一起实现了你的梦想！” “是的，教士，”那个农民说道：“可你别忘了，当初这个农场只由上帝一人管理时是个什么样子！” partners enterprise. the fields are gro apart, and the fences are collapsing all around. during his first day of , “may you and god ether to make this the farm of your dreams!” a feain to call on the farmer. look and behold. it’s like a completely different place—the farmhouse is completely rebuilt and in excellent condition, there are plenty of cattle and other livestock happily munching on feed in !” the preacher says. “look ether!” “yes, reverend,” says the farmer, “but remember it alone!” 聪明的学生参加期末考试 一位有机生物学教授站在20名高年级的学生面前，正准备发期末考试的试卷。 “我要说的是，这个学期能够教你们我感到非常荣幸。我明白你们都很努力，你们中的许多人在暑假之后就要去医学院深造了。为了避免同学们因为参与本周末过多的庆祝活动而影响了学习成绩，所以有谁愿意放弃这次考试，就可以得‘b’。” 许多学生异常惊喜，一个接一个地站了起来，从教授身边走过，对他表示感谢，并在纸上签了名。等到最后一个选择放弃的学生走出教室后，教授看着剩下的同学问：“还有吗？这是你们的最后机会了。”终于，还是有一名同学站了起来，接受了建议。 教授关上门，清点了一下剩余的同学，说道：“我非常高兴看到你们能够相信自己，你们都得‘a’。” smart students taking a final exam a professor stood before his class of 20 senior organic biology students, about to hand out the final exam. “i you this semester. i knoets their gpa messed up because they might have been celebrating a bit too much this amongst the class as students got up, passed by the professor to thank him and sign out on his offer. as the last taker left the room, the professor looked out over the handful of remaining students and asked, “any one else? this is your last chance.” one final student rose up and took the offer.

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 聪明人生 第六章（2） 聪明人生 第六章（2） the professor closed the door and took attendance of those students remaining. “i’m glad to see you believe in yourself.” he said. “you all have ‘a’ s.” 画家与农民 画家选择了一个风景优美的地方去度假，而且还住在了一位农民家里。画家每天都带着颜料和画笔出去作画，直到天黑才回到农场，吃完一顿丰盛的晚餐后就蒙头大睡。 假期快结束的时候，画家要付钱给农民，可是农民却说： “不，我不要钱。但是，能不能送我一张您的画？钱有什么用? 一星期后就花没了，可是这张画却还能保留。” 听了这些话，画家感到非常高兴，感谢农民对他作品的赞扬。 农民笑着回答说： “不是这个意思，我的儿子在伦敦，他想当一名画家。等他下个月回来时，我要把您的这幅画拿给他看。我想他看过之后，大概再也不想当画家了。” the artist and the farmer an artist , and then ot dark he ood dinner before he ive me one of your pictures. such kind things about his paintings. the farmer smiled and ans his class all about fractions for the past et?” “halves.” ansain?” “fourths.” ans to the next boy.“and again?” “eighths.” “yes,” said the teacher, nodding to the next boy.“and again?” “sixteenths, sir, was the answer.”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 聪明人生 第六章（3） 聪明人生 第六章（3） “good,” said the teacher. “and once more, lisa?” “thirty-seconds,” ans for a feht. and again?” the teacher continued. “hamburger meat,” ansoing into his usual bar before lunch in a small pool of rain-hted to accept his offer, and the tether. joe bought the fisherman a fe outside here, haven’t you? hoe to catch this morning, if i may ask?” “you’ve been the eighth.” the fisher-man anses 8 and 10, etting into trouble and their parents kneyman in to children, so she asked if he yman agreed, but asked to see them individually. so the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, yman in the afternoon.

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 聪明人生 第六章（4） 聪明人生 第六章（4） the clergyman, a huge man voice, sat the younger boy do there ing open, yman repeated the question in an even sterner tone,“ain the boy made no attempt to ansyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy’s face and bellood?” the boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. er brother, gasping for breath, replied, “ trouble this time. god is missing—and they think mrs. jones and her little daughter karen all the coming and goings of a . after the photographs had been taken, everyone had driven off to the reception and all the excitement e her mind, mummy?” “e her mind?” asked mrs. jones. “oppet, “she an and came out with another!”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 聪明人生 第七章（1） 聪明人生 第七章（1） 马克·吐温和理发师 有一次，马克·吐温到一个小镇上作演讲。他想在晚饭前先去理发店刮刮胡子。 “你是外地人吧?”理发师问。 “是的，”马克·吐温回答，“我是第一次来这里。” “你来得正巧，”理发师继续说，“今晚有马克·吐温的演讲，我想你会去的，是吗?” “噢，我也是这样想的。” “你买到票了吗?” “还没有。” “票全都卖光了，你只能站着了。” “真讨厌！”马克·吐温叹气着说，“真倒霉，每次那个家伙演讲时我都不得不站着。” mark ter?” asked the barber. “yes，” mark tood time to come,” the barber continued. “mark toing to read a lecture tonight. you’ll go, i suppose?” “oh, i guess so.” “have you bought your ticket?” “not yet.” “but everything is sold out. you’ll have to stand.” “ho!” mark th. “i never sa on the telephone each sunday the minister called the children to the front of the church ht a telephone to better illustrate the idea of prayer. “you talk to people on the telephone and don’t see them on the other end of the line, right?” he began. the children nodded yes. “ to god is like talking on the telephone. he’s on the other end, but you can’t see him. he is listening though.” just then a little boy piped up and asked, “o out?” asked basil. “no, it’s raining,” anso out in the rain.” “here is a book i’ve bought you,” replied the worried father hastily. “now sit still and read it.”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 聪明人生 第七章（2） 聪明人生 第七章（2） basil took the book obediently. but after the first sentence he asked again:“daddy,it says here: a man is knoood man keeps company ood man bad because he keeps company ood because he keeps company ood man, or do they each change, and if the...” “basil,” said his father, “you may go out in the rain.” 广告 一只漂亮的纯种狗迷路后，来到我们的后门廊，并以此为家了。我的丈夫在当地的“失物招领”上，酝酿了一则广告，这样写道：“小狗，雄性，年龄近9个月，无项圈，很友善，在石桥路发现的。” 我害怕这样的细节会给那些昧着良心要狗的人以可乘之机。我有条不紊地解释为什么每个线索都透露得太多，我的丈夫就尽职地划去一些词。终于，出于为难，他重新写了广告，把它缩减为一个我无法反驳的句子。 他这样写道：“猜猜我发现了什么？” an adversity after a beautiful purebred puppy e road.” “i feared all the detail might encourage an unscrupulous person to chaim the dog. as i methodically explained it to a single sentence that i couldn’t refute.” it read: “guess hbor told us about a trip he took ht they spent in a hotel, the father moved his bed close to the boy’s and ht. after a fe is all right.” there et frightened.” 谁是乔治·华盛顿 有一位老师向一个学生提出了很多问题，可那个学生一个也不会。老师为了让他答对几道，便打算问他一些非常容易的问题。 老师问道：“班克·希尔是什么？” 这位学生想了半天，然后回答：“一个飞机场？” 老师说：“不对！ 那是一场战役！”她有点生气了，不过她还是尽量克制住了。随后，她问道：“谁是美国的第一任总统？”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 聪明人生 第七章（3） 聪明人生 第七章（3） 这位学生冥思苦想了好久以后，却依然沉默不语。看到这种情景，老师非常生气，大声喊道：“乔治·华盛顿！”学生站了起来，开始走回自己的座位。 老师说：“回来！我没叫你回去！” 这位学生说：“哦，对不起！ 我还以为你叫下一位同学呢！” e ton a teacher a student a lot of question, but the student couldn’t anset a feht. “ht for some time and then ans getting a little angry no not to shoht for a long time, but didn’t say anything. then the teacher got very angry and shouted,“george ton!” the student got up and began to o.” “oh, i’m sorry,” the student said,“i thought you called the next student.” 农业部的回信 一个养鸡专业户发现她的鸡群出现了一些问题， 因此她给农业部写了这样一封信： “我的鸡出毛病了。每天清晨，当我走出去时，我就会看到两、三只鸡直挺挺地躺在地上，浑身冰冷、僵硬、两脚朝天。您能不能告诉我这是怎么回事呀？” 过了一小段时间，她收到了农业部的回信，内容如下： “亲爱的夫人，您的鸡死了。” the reply letter of the department of agriculture a chicken fancier had some difficulty letter to the department of agriculture： “something is on the ground cold and stiff letter from the department: “dear madam, your chickens are dead.” 一个聪明的男孩 母亲说：“宝贝，太晚了，不要看电视了，否则明天上学会迟到的。” 儿子说：“妈妈，假如你还看电视，明天上班也会迟到的。” 母亲说：“假如明天早上我起不来了，我可以请病假。” 儿子说：“我也可以请病假，因为妈妈生病了，我要在家照顾她。” a clever boy mother: it’s too late, darling. stop tv or you’ll be late for school tomorro. son: if you keep it, you’ll be late for et up early tomorroood care of her. 强悍的教师 我的一位做教师的朋友背部受了伤，不得不在上身穿上了石膏罩。开学的第一天，他的石膏罩还穿在身上。他被分派去教学校最不守纪律的班级。他信心十足地走进乱哄哄的教室，把窗子尽可能开得大些。正在这时，一阵强风把他的领带吹得飘了起来。为了固定领带，他拿起黑板擦，透过领带，把一个大头钉砸入胸膛。 在那个学期里，在他课上的学生们一直是安安静静的。 a tough teacher a school teacher friend of mine in jurred his back and had to ned to teach the most undisciplined class. stepping confidently into the ro breeze made his tie flap. trying to fix the tie, he took a blackboard eraser and hammered a large tack through his tie into his chest. he had no trouble .

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狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 难得糊涂 第一章（1） 难得糊涂 第一章（1） 给老师的礼物 学期末，学生们都忙着向老师赠送礼物。老师知道孩子们的家长是做什么工作的，所以能猜出他们会送什么礼物。种花师傅的女儿送给了她一个盒子。她把盒子举过头顶摇了摇。“是花吗？”老师问。学生答道：“您是怎么知道的？” 糖果店老板的儿子送来了一个盒子。老师把盒子举过头顶，摇了摇问：“是糖吗？”学生说：“您是怎么知道的？”接着酒店老板的儿子强尼来了，老师看到盒子正在滴水，她就用舌头舔了一下汁液，问道：“是酒吗？”强尼摇了摇头。于是老师又舔了一下：“伏特加酒？” 强尼答道：“不……嗯！是一只小狗！！！” gift for the teacher it iving their teacher gifts. the teacher kneuess ave her. the florist’s daughter gave her a box. she put it over her head and shook it. “are they flo. she put her tongue on it and sucked the juice and said, “is it ain, “vodka?” johnny replied, “no...um! it’s a puppy!!!” 发生在院子里的怪事 一个跛脚的女人为了去溜狗，拄着拐杖小心翼翼地走着。可是因为腿脚不方便，她很难拽住她的狗。最后，小狗猛地一蹿，挣脱了女人的手。小狗沿着马路跑了下去。她拼命地喊，可小狗头也不回地继续跑着。她知道自己是不可能追上它的，于是就没再追下去，独自一人回家了。 几个小时过后，她听到有抓门的声音。打开门一看，她看到自己的狗正站在门外，嘴里还叼着一只死兔子。通过仔细观察，她认出这正是邻居家养的那只兔子。她明白这件事绝对不能让那家人知道。幸好，他们都出城度周末去了，于是她想出了一个好主意。 她把死兔子带到浴室里，洗得干干净净，然后用吹风机把兔毛吹干，最后又把兔子放回邻居后院的兔笼里。她认为邻居回来后，一定会认为兔子是自己死在笼子里的，绝对不会怀疑发生过什么事情。 到了星期一，邻居敲开了她的房门。邻居向她打听周末看没看到什么人去过他家的后院。女人回答说没看到。“那你有没有在房中或者院子里发现什么奇怪的事情？”这个女人还是同样的回答。 最后，女人问：“为什么你要问我这些问题呢？发生了什么事情？”邻居回答：“我家后院发生了一件怪事。我家的兔子上周五死了，我们把它埋在后院里，可是当我们度完周末回到家时，却看到它又回到了笼子里。” strange things in his yard a ingerly hobbling along on crutches as she attempted to . because of her handicap, ho a lot of trouble keeping the dog under control. finally, the dog lunged for do ave up and scratching at the door. standing there hbors’ pet rabbit. she knehbors’ backyard and put the rabbit back in its cage. she thought the neighbors e. they hbor standing there. he asked her if she had seen anyone in their backyard over the strange going on around our house or yard?”again, she denied seeing anything suspicious. she said,“ me these questions? really strange is going on in my backyard. on friday our rabbit died, so e!” 迪斯尼之旅 有一次，我们到佛罗里达州的迪斯尼乐园度假。我和丈夫以及两个孩子都全身心地陶醉于各种奇观之中。尽情地游玩了三天之后，我们筋疲力尽，要回家了。 当我们开车离开时，儿子挥着手说道：“再见，米奇！” 女儿挥着手说道：“再见，美妮。” 丈夫也没精打采地挥了挥手，说道：“再见，美圆。” a trip to disney on a trip to disney days, e.

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 难得糊涂 第一章（2） 难得糊涂 第一章（2） as ood bye, mickey.” our daughter oodbye, minnie.” my husband oodbye, money.” 逃跑 以前，我在监狱里任课时，班上的一个学生总是旷课。起初旷课是因为他拔了颗牙，接着是因为割了扁桃体。再后来是因为在工厂里干活时砍掉了一节手指。 一个看守员获悉这一切后，建议道：“我们最好留意一下这个家伙，他好像是要一小块一小块地逃走。” escape ht in a prison, one of my students kept missing classes. first it er in uard to comment, “uy. he seems to be trying to escape one piece at a time.” 怎么能确保找到一位好大夫 一个美国人到南美洲的一个偏远地区旅游，在这期间他生病了。“我需要去看医生。”他对一个当地人说，“我怎样才能确保找到一位好大夫呢？” “非常简单。”当地人回答，“依据我们国家的法律，大夫一旦治死一个病人，他就必须在诊所外面挂一个气球。” 美国人便开始寻找。其中一家挂了20个，另外一家挂了30个。终于，他看到有一家仅仅挂了5个，便走了进去。 “你得等一会儿，”大夫对他说，“这个诊所昨天刚开始营业，我现在很忙。” ho a good one an american visiting a remote area in south america became sick.“i have to see a doctor.” he told a local. “hoetting a good one?” “it’s easy,” an his search. one doctor fle only five, and he like this.” mounting the horse, he said skeptically,“praise the lord.” the horse began to trot. he repeated “praise the lord” and the horse broke into a gallop. suddenly the buyer sae. the so, i an algebra class over the summer, and had a teacher recruits to stay a in a large, drastic ing his hands on them the board. he decided to put them to good use.

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 难得糊涂 第一章（3） 难得糊涂 第一章（3） h of a flourish to guarantee the class’s attention, he e of the board. then, clearing his throat, he dreht near one of the protruding nails. he proceeded to hang his coat and hat on the hook that he had draive that day’s lecture. he told us that the entire class had their eyes to the front of the room throughout the lecture. he didn’t knole h the large doors at the back of the hall. h the small door—and up to go past the blackboard to see hoine left a 747 ot on the loud speaker, “attention, passengers. ines, but ers heard the captain’s voice again, “guess ine, but please be assured er became furious. “oh, god,” he shouted, “if ine, ht!” 冲着熨斗回话 一个小伙子去上班，他的两只耳朵上都缠着绷带。 老板问他：“你的耳朵怎么啦？” 他回答：“昨天，我正在熨衬衣的时候，电话响了（他做出将熨斗举到耳边的姿势）。咝！我突然意识到我是在对着熨斗讲话。” 老板说：“原来如此，这只耳朵解释完了，可是另一只耳朵是怎么回事？” 他说：“是这样的，我必须要打电话给大夫！” ans the iron a guy e up. the boss says, “ a shirt and (holds iron to ear). shhh! i accidentally ansue of mine arrived at the airport in dilhi. he took a taxi to his hotel, reeted by his hospitable indian host. the cab driver requested the equivalent of eight dollars u. s. for the fare, rabbed the bills and initiated a verbal assault upon the cabby, calling him a race to their country for trying to overcharge visitors．the host threave the remaining bills to my colleague and asked him hogage in the trunk.” 牛仔与他的马 在古老西部，一个酒吧的门突然被踢开，一个黑衣牛仔走了进来。黑色的帽子、手帕、衬衣、裤子、皮靴、手套、腰带以及一对黑色的枪…… 每个人都带着恐惧看着他。他走到服务员身边，问道：“你们有木桶吗？” 服务员跑到里面，找了一个木桶走了出来。黑衣牛仔看着木桶命令道：“现在，给我拿三瓶威士忌。” 然后说：“把它们全部倒进桶里。” 接下来又说道：“现在，把酒提给我外面的马喝。”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 难得糊涂 第一章（4） 难得糊涂 第一章（4） 这个受到惊吓的酒吧服务员有些吃惊地按照那个牛仔所说的做了。他看到那匹像夜一样黑的马一下子把所有的威士忌都喝光了。那匹马就被拴在酒吧的前面，所用的马具也全部是黑色的。 服务员回到酒吧，牛仔非常仔细地看了看那只桶，桶里什么也没剩，就问：“多少钱？”酒吧服务员一边算钱，一边问：“您不喝点什么吗？” 黑衣牛仔回答：“不，我骑马的时候不喝酒。” coloves, black belt, and a black pair of guns... everyone looks at him me three bottles of this to my horse outside.” the frightened and surprised barman does ht, tied in front of the bar, completely in black harness. it drinks all the is left, and asks: “ the price, asks: “?” the co me at me. no if he out the eggs around, i sa cart.” 班级、情人和蠢驴 汤姆教授计划第二天和他的学生们见面，所以他在黑板上写了这样一句话：“汤姆教授将于明天和大家见面。” 一个学生看了这个通知之后，觉得展示自己幽默的机会到了。他走到黑板面前，把“class”中的字母“c”擦去，把这句话的意思变成了“汤姆教授将于明天和情妇见面。”教授听到笑声，转过身来，看了看那个学生，又看看被擦掉了“c”的通知，平静地走到黑板前，把“lass”中的“l”擦掉，把这句话的意思变成了“汤姆教授将于明天和蠢驴见面。”他看了看那个哑然失色的学生，扬长而去。 class、lass and ass professor tom oing to meet his students on the next day, so he his chance to display his sense of humor after reading the notice, the laughter, asted student and proceeded on his prepared for temptation “son,” ordered a father, “don’t s a suit that evening. “ in the canal,” ans suit suit happened. then he decided to the money. ht this hted me the money. hoh ton, dc and as usual, those jerks deducted ninety-five dollars. love, roger”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 难得糊涂 第二章（1） 难得糊涂 第二章（1） 误机 一大清早，一位男士就给出租车公司打电话，叫车把他送到机场。这里距离机场的高速公路路程有十几英里。他耐着性子等了30分钟后，又一次打电话给出租车公司，告诉他们他的出租车还没有来。交通调度员向他保证说车正在路上。但是，几分钟之后，他依然在等待。他不得不第三次拨打了电话：“我非常迫切地需要一辆出租车。我要赶飞往西海岸的航班，航班将于30分钟后起飞。” 出租车公司的值班小姐说：“我对出租车晚点表示抱歉，现在您要的出租车应该马上就到。可是，不要着急，我确保您不会错过您的飞机，因为那趟航班总是晚点。” “很好，有一件事是肯定的。”这位男士说，“今天早上的飞机将会很晚才起飞，因为我就是飞行员。” missing the plane early one morning a man called for a taxi to take him to the airport, hain to say that cab had not arrived. this dispatcher assured the gentleman that it . he had to call a third time, saying, “i need that taxi in a hurry. i have got to make that flight to the lady on duty at the taxi company said, “i am sorry for the delay. your cab should be there any second noht is al off.” “’s for sure,” the man said. “it off this morning because i’m the pilot.” 走火入魔 身为一所中学的足球教练，我意识到学生运动员总是将过多的注意力集中在运动上。一位名叫鲍勃的同事向我说起了这样一名足球运动员。一天晚上，这位球员往他家打电话。他的妻子告诉这位球员说她的丈夫不在家。这位球员变得狂躁不安起来，并说他必须要和教练说话。“别着急，他一回来我就让他给你回电话。”教练的妻子对这位球员说，“你的号码是多少？”慌乱中的球员回答说：“3号。” infatuation as a high school football coach, i’m a about one such player, ht. ht aets home,” the coach’s iving an english lesson to a class of adult quite a number of everyday objects on a table, he asked various members of the class to give him the ruler, the book, the pen and so on. the class aged in until this, my friend thought that the student hadn’t heard him clearly, so he repeated. “give me the keys. ” the italian shrugged his shoulders. then, he thres around the teacher’s neck and kissed him on both cheeks. 男管家晚上休假 约翰和安娜开心地结婚了。幸运的是，他们还拥有一笔巨款和一栋漂亮的大房子。要管理好这一大片地产可不是件容易的事。因为约翰和安娜都有工作，他们就决定找一个人来帮忙管理。他们雇用了一个名叫亨利的男管家来帮他们打理日常事务。 亨利可是一位经验丰富的男管家。到目前为止，他已经为他们工作了一个星期了，一直以来他都非常用心。安娜和约翰非常欣赏他的努力。因为晚上准备外出，他们便决定奖赏亨利，给他一晚上的假期。安娜告诉亨利她和约翰很晚才能回来，并且告诉他，到目前为止他们对他的工作感到非常满意。 她告诉亨利今晚可以休个假，可以做任何他想做的事。“谢谢你，夫人。”亨利说，“我会的。” 约翰和安娜出去吃晚餐，然后又去看电影。后来，安娜开始感觉不舒服，她怀疑自己可能吃了什么变质的东西。 看完电影后，有人给约翰打电话，是史密斯一家邀请他们去参加派对。“你去吧，”安娜说，“我感觉不太舒服，想回家躺一会儿，或许这样感觉会好一些。”约翰把安娜送到家门口，并答应她只去一个小时，安娜告诉他不用这么着急。“用不用我陪你一块儿进去呀？”他问道。“不用了，你快去吧，祝你玩得愉快，我没事的。”安娜说。

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 难得糊涂 第二章（2） 难得糊涂 第二章（2） 她和先生吻别，互道晚安后，约翰向她挥手告别，随后开车走了。当她走进屋子，安娜看见亨利独自坐在餐厅里。 她让他跟在她的身后，把他带进了卧室并把房门关上。“亨利，”安娜说，“脱下我的衣服，”亨利照做了。“现在，”安娜说，“把我的连脱掉。”亨利静静地照办了。“亨利，把我的内衣脱掉。”男管家也照做了。安娜严厉地盯著亨利，他神情紧张地盯着地板。“亨利，假如再让我抓到你穿我的衣服，你就准备回家吧。” the butler’s night off john and anna reat e house. managing such a large property job. since both john and anna et some help. they hired someone to go out for the evening, they decide to reive him the night off. anna told henry that she and john ht off and do . “thank you, madam.” henry said, “i supper, they to feel sick. she she’d eaten.after the movie, john received a phone call on his cell phone. the smiths o ahead.” said anna, “i don’t feel oing to go home to lie doo to the party for an hour. anna told him to take his time. “do you o ahead and have a good time at the party. i’ll be fine.” said anna. she kissed her husband good night. john by himself in the dining room. she called for him to follo my clothes again, you’re fired.” 等警察来 一天，山姆和一个神父发生了一起反常的交通事故。他们两个人所开的两辆车，车头与车头猛撞到一起，两辆车彻底毁坏了。不过，让人意外的是，两个人都没有受伤。 从各自的车里爬出来后，山姆看到神父的衣领便说道：“原来你是神父，我叫山姆。瞧瞧我们的车，什么都没了， 可我们依然在这里，没有受伤。这肯定是上帝的安排！” 山姆看了看自己的车，惊呼道：“快看看这儿，还有一个奇迹！ 我的车完全毁了，可这瓶酒却还没有碎。毫无疑问，上帝肯定是想让我们喝掉它，来庆祝我们的好运。” 神父点头表示认同。山姆把酒交给神父，神父喝了一半然后又把酒还给山姆。山姆接过酒瓶飞快地把瓶盖盖上，又把它递给了神父。看到山姆的行为，神父不解地问：“难道你不喝吗，山姆？”山姆回答：“嗯，我想我还是等着警察来吧。” one day and by a freak accident, have a head-on collision ly, neither sam nor the cleric has a scratch on. after the cra left, yet n from god!” sam is looking at his car and exclaims, “and look at this! here’s another miracle! my car is completely demolished, but this bottle of ood fortune.” the priest nods in agreement. sam hands the bottle to the priest, any, sam?” sam replies, “nah... i think i’ll wait for the police.” 谁醉了 在村庄的旅店里，一个年长的英国绅士正和他年幼的儿子坐在一起享受阳光明媚的周日午后。父亲一边肆无忌惮地大口喝着啤酒，一边告诫儿子放纵所带来的痛苦。

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 难得糊涂 第二章（3） 难得糊涂 第二章（3） “永远不要喝得太多，我的儿子。一个绅士要学会适可而止。喝醉酒可是一件丢人的事啊。” “我记住了，爸爸。可我应该如何区分什么时候喝得多了或是喝醉了呢？” 这位年长的父亲用手指指向角落。 “你看见坐在角落的那两个男人了吗？假如你看到的是四个，你就该知道你是喝醉了。” 那个男孩认认真真地看了半天，然后用困惑的语气说道：“是的，爸爸，可——但是——只有一个人坐在那个角落里呀！” lishman and his youngest son e inn. the father had partaken liberally of the beer, and his son against the evils of intemperance. “never drink too much, my son. a gentleman stops h. to be drunk is a disgrace.” “yes, father, but hoh or am drunk?” the old man pointed ers. “do you see those t in the corner? if you should see four men there, you and earnestly. after a time, in puzzled tones, he said：“yes, father, but—but—there is only one man in that corner.” 这儿光线好 一天晚上，一个人在回家的路上碰到了一个醉汉，只见他双膝跪地，正借着路灯在寻找什么东西。这个人就问醉汉这么费劲地在找什么。醉汉回答他说，他被绊倒了，他的雷达表的表链被磕松了，表从手腕上掉了下来。于是，这个热心的人也跪下来帮醉汉找。大概过去了10分钟，仍然没有找到，这个人便问醉汉是在哪里摔倒的。 “距离这条街大约半个街区远的地方。”醉汉说。 “那么，请你告诉我，”这个人问醉汉，“你在距离半个街区远的地方把表丢了，为什么要在这里找呢？” 醉汉答道：“因为这儿光线好。” the light is a lot better here one night, a man on his for something under a street light. the man asked the drunk for so diligently and the drunk said he had tripped and his radar a kind-hearted soul, got doan assisting the drunk looking for his for your ht is a lot better here.” 我自己过去 曾经有一个地主，他既不会读也不会写，却时常在别人面前装出一副学识渊博的样子。 有一天，正当地主和客人聊天的时候，仆人走进来交给他一封信，信中的内容是要向他借一头牛。地主担心客人知道他是个文盲，所以就拆开信，看了看上面的字，接着对仆人说：“好的，你去告诉他，我过一会儿会自己过去。” i’ll go there myself there eable though he uests, a servant came in and gave him a letter uests lanced over the o there myself in a fear. james ar?” “edgar is dead.” herbert ansar—you should have broken the near tonight, you should have said, ‘edgar’s on the roof, but i have called the fire department to get him do trouble getting edgar doar had fallen off the roof and h everything possible had been done for edgar, he had died. that’s the ar. and, oh, before i forget,” james added, “hoother?”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 难得糊涂 第二章（4） 难得糊涂 第二章（4） “oh,” herbert said, pausing for a moment, “she’s on the roof.” 那个新来的男生 苏珊和贝拉都是大学四年级的学生。苏珊注意到，贝拉也选修了她所选修的两门不同的课程。几周过后，她决定在上课的时候坐在贝拉的旁边。 几天后，她们便开始聊天。过了没多久，她们就开始在上课之前一起去喝杯咖啡。这两个年轻女孩之间的友谊由此展开。苏珊和贝拉开始在周末一起玩了。 她们最喜欢的一件事就是和许多朋友一起去俱乐部。她们会和一大群朋友去外面跳舞。一天晚上，在俱乐部的那群朋友中出现了一个新面孔，因为从未见过他，苏珊便目不转睛地盯着他。 他很英俊，连笑容都充满了魅力。当贝拉进入舞池跳舞的时候，苏珊特意坐到这个她感兴趣的男生旁边。很快，两个人便聊了起来。当贝拉回到桌旁休息的时候，她看到了这一切。她迫不及待地想要挖苦一下她的新朋友。 当夜色已深、曲终人散的时候，贝拉挽着好友的胳膊走出俱乐部，她把苏珊拉近了一点。“快说说，”贝拉说，“情况怎么样呀？”苏珊笑着说道：“你指的是什么，那个新来的男生吗？我觉得我可能又交了一个新朋友。”“噢，太好了！”贝拉说。 “因为我想……”苏珊打断了贝拉。“他人不错，”苏珊说道。“是的。”贝拉表示赞同。“也挺英俊的。”苏珊补充道。“太好了，我想告诉你的是……”苏珊又一次打断贝拉：“然而他不太聪明。”“你说什么？”贝拉问道。于是苏珊开始向她解释。 “贝拉，他可不是一个好的对象。我同他聊了一会儿，发现那个男生所说的话没有什么见地，虚有其表，没有大脑。唯一值得庆幸的是，他长得还不错。也许除了外表，再也没有别的地方可以吸引女孩子了吧。我想要聊点有趣的话题，可他就是不开窍。嗯，希望舞跳得不错，尽管他不怎么聪明。”贝拉瞪了苏珊一眼，“苏珊，”她说，“我刚才一直想要告诉你一件事情。”“什么事，贝拉？”苏珊问道。“那个新来的男生，”贝拉说，“是我的弟弟。” that ne to each other. soon after that they started meeting each other before class to have coffee together. the friendship bet ressed from there. susan and bella started hanging out on to do o out dancing together in a big group of friends. one night there man out in the group at the club. susan had never seen him before and she couldn’t take her eyes off of him. he next to this interesting stranger. soon they started talking bet drerabbed her friend’s arm and dreht have made a friend.” “oh that’s nice,” bella said. “because i ain. “not too smart though,” she said. “ to him for quite a to get that boy to say something intelligent is like pulling teeth. the lights are on but nobody’s home. it’s a good thing that neood looking because he’s so dimot nothing else to offer a girl. i like to have an interesting conversation and that boy’s just not capable. oh ood dancer because he sure isn’t that bright.” bella stared at susan. “susan,” she said, “i’ve been meaning to tell you something.” “yes, bella?” asked susan. “that ney little brother.” 啤酒兄弟 一个人走进了一家酒吧，要了拳啤酒。他举起了一杯喝了一口……放下；又举起一杯喝了一口……又放下；接着又举起第拳喝了一口……再次放下—— 一直重复这个过程，直到拳酒全喝完，他才离开。 一个星期后的一天，他又来到酒吧，要了三瓶酒，又做了同样的事。就这样持续了一两个月的时间。酒吧的男招待员很是好奇。当这个人再来酒吧时，男招待员说：“我不是好管闲事的人，可是你为什么同时喝拳啤酒啊？” 这个男人说：“我的两个兄弟和我住在一起的时候，我们每周都会到酒吧喝酒。现在我们都结婚了，都搬到了很远的地方。于是我们决定，无论在哪里，每周都要去各自当地的酒吧喝拳啤酒，以纪念过去的美好时光。”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 难得糊涂 第二章（5） 难得糊涂 第二章（5） 男招待员点了点头，就去继续做事了。这个男人喝完拳啤酒后离开了。一个月后，他又来了，却只要了两瓶啤酒。他拿起一杯喝一口……又放下；于是拿起另一杯喝一口……又放下了。重复这个过程，直到两杯啤酒全喝完。这样的情况大约持续了一个月，男招待员问道：“我不是好管闲事的人，但是发生了什么事呢？你的兄弟去世了？” 这个男人说：“哦，不，什么都没发生。只是我的妻子不让我再来酒吧喝酒了……可是……” beer brothers a man one. the man leaves. on the same day the follo oes on for a month or tetting curious. the next time the man comes in, the bartender says, “i don’t mean to be nosy, but o to the bar every ether. noreed that o to a local bar and have three beers to remember old times.” the bartender nods and goes on. the man finishes his three beers and leaves. a month later the man comes in and orders only tone. this goes on for about a month and the bartender gets curious. the next time the man is in the bar, the bartender inquires. “i don’t mean to be nosy, but ?” the man says, “oh, no, nothing like that. it’s just that my o to the bar and drink anymore... but...” 多少钱？ 冬天到了，荷曼太太想要买的东西很多，于是她一直等到周六丈夫有时间的时候，拉起丈夫去了商店。这样，丈夫不但要为她付钱，而且得帮她拎着所有东西。他们去了很多家商店，荷曼太太买了很多很多的东西。她总是停下来说道：“快看，乔伊！那个多么美呀！” 他总是这样回答：“好的，亲爱的，多少钱？”接着便去付钱了。 当他们走出最后一家商店时，天色已经暗下来。荷曼先生疲惫不堪，心里琢磨着别的事情，例如，在家里温暖的炉火旁享受着美酒。突然荷曼的太太抬起头看着天空说道：“瞧，多美的月亮啊，乔伊！” 荷曼先生连想都没想，便说道：“好的，亲爱的，多少钱？” ho, so she and to carry her parcels. they ht a lot of things. she often stopped and said, “look, joe! isn’t that beautiful!” he then ansht, dear, hos, like a nice drink by the side of a , mr. hermann ansht, dear, hoentleman staying in a hotel left his umbrella in the hall, but he had put on the handle a card on s to a gentleman s to a man studied that he never looked up. he it—he often chose the same student day after day. out of respect, the student .

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 难得糊涂 第二章（6） 难得糊涂 第二章（6） after being called on four days in a ro asked advice from his friends. the next day , translate and explain,” goldberg replied, “goldberg is absent today.” “all right,” said the teacher. “you translate and explain.” 你知道我是谁吗？ 在科罗拉多州的丹佛市，美国航空公司有一位登机服务员，因其对一位生气的旅客所表现出来的风趣幽默以及坚守岗位的服务态度和敬业精神，而得到当局的奖赏。有位只能乘货舱的旅客，态度非但不耐烦，而且很粗鲁，而这位服务员却始终表现得很得体。 因为天气不好，一班载客量很大的美国航空公司的班机突然被取消了。 就在这名服务员正独自一人为一大队旅客重新划位时，一个怒火朝天的旅客挤到队伍的最前面，用拳头捶着柜台，以引起这名服务员的注意。此时，她正在为其他排队等待的旅客服务。 他“啪”的一声将机票扔在柜台上，推向这名服务员，说道：“我必须搭这趟班机，最好是头等舱，我现在很生气。” 这位服务员回答：“对不起，先生。尽管我愿意为您效劳，可是现在我首先要帮这些排队的人处理问题。” “假如您去排队的话，轮到您的时候，我会非常乐意为您效劳。我知道您的心情不好，可是非常抱歉。其他这些旅客和您一样感觉很不方便。我确信轮到您的时候，我们一定会为您妥善安排好一切补救措施的。” 这个旅客不为所动，并且变得更加恼火。他不肯移动半步，而且叫得特别大声，在场的所有其他旅客都听到他在说：“你知道我是谁吗？”这名服务员微笑着，毫不犹豫地拿起扩音器说道：“大家请注意！”她开始说道，声音传遍了整个航站。 “41号登记口有一位旅客不知道自己是谁。我再重复一遍，他不知道自己是谁，他就站在柜台的前面，身穿一件白色衬衫，走过来就能看到他。假如有哪位知道他是谁或者能帮助他辨认自己的身份，请到41号登机口告诉服务员，谢谢。” 所有的其他旅客都笑了起来。这个人怒气冲天，张开嘴想要说什么，却又把话咽了下去。他一声不吭地走到队伍的最后面。那位服务员又回到她的位置上，继续帮排队的旅客划位。接下来的一整天也没有发生什么状况。 do you knoo to a united airlines gate agent in denver, colorado, for being smart and funny and for making her point ry traveler. she kept her cool er o hold. a croht ent a long line of inconvenienced travelers all by herself. suddenly an angry passenger pushed his et her attention to help the people already standing there. he slapped his ticket doht and it had better be first class. i am so outraged.” the agent replied, “i’m sorry sir. i’ll be happy to try and help you, but i’ve got to help these folks first.” “if you could please find your place in the line, i out for you er ry. he . he yelled loudly, so that all of the other passengers could hear, “do you have any idea , the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone,“may i have your attention please?” she began, her voice bello throughout the entire airport terminal. “er here at gate 41 right at the very front of the counter and is a ent at gate 41. thank you.” all of the other passengers laughed. the man and then decided against it. speechless, he stomped to the back of the line. the gate agent returned to helping all of the people in order. the rest of the day went without incident. 你一个，我一个 在一个深秋的夜晚，两个男孩收集了满满一袋子栗子，他们准备到墓地里去平分。路上，其中一个男孩一不小心将袋子掉在了地上，其中两颗滚了出去。“我们待会儿再过来找。”他说。于是他们走进墓地去分剩余的栗子。就在他们分栗子的时候，有一个小女孩恰巧从墓地经过。令她感觉恐惧的是，她听到树丛后面有一个声音在说：“你一个，我一个，你一个，我一个！”小女孩跑到大门口，刚好撞到了一个警察。“发生了什么事，小姑娘？”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 难得糊涂 第二章（7） 难得糊涂 第二章（7） “天啊，警察先生！”她哭着说，“那个墓地里面有鬼，他们这会儿正在分死尸呢！你听！” 她将颤抖的手指竖在嘴唇前，他们听到一个声音在说：“你一个，我一个。咱们千万不要忘记门口那两个！” one for you, one for me one late autumn evening t collected sack full of chestnuts, decided to share them out in a graveyard. on their et those later,” he said, and in they them out a small girl happened to be crossing the graveyard, and to her horror she heard from behind a bush a voice say, “one for you, one for me. one for you, one for me!”in terror she rushed to the gate and bumped into a policeman, “irl?” he asked, for she reat distress. “oh, mr. policeman!” she hosts in the graveyard, and they’re sharing out the dead boldies! listen!” and as she held a trembling finger to her lips they heard a voice say,“one for you, one for me. and et those tate!” 感觉很好 一个名叫乔的农夫起诉一家货运公司在一起交通事故中给他带来了持续不断的病痛。法庭上，公司一方的律师对乔提出问题。 “你是否在事故现场说过‘感觉很好’？”律师问道。 农夫乔回答说：“那么，我就把事情的来由告诉你，我刚刚把我心爱的骡子贝西赶进……” “我并没有问你任何细节，”律师打断了他，“你只需回答我的问题。你有没有在事故现场说过‘我感觉很好’？” 农夫乔接着说道：“是的，我刚刚把贝西赶进拖车，蛰着车在路上向前走的时候……” 律师又一次打断了他：“法官，我需要的是事实真相。在事故现场，这个人告诉公路巡警他感觉很好。然而，好几个月过去了，他却起诉我的当事人。我认为他是个骗子，请您让他简短地回答这个问题。” 然而法官却对乔所讲的故事很感兴趣，他告诉律师：“我非常愿意听听他讲的那只骡子贝西的故事。” 乔谢过法官，接着说道：“正像我刚才所说的，我刚把我心爱的骡子贝西赶进拖车，驾着车向前走的时候，一辆挂着拖车的大卡车闯过了红灯，把我的小卡车撞到了一边。 “我被抛到了一个水沟里，贝西被抛到了另一个水沟里。我浑身是伤，根本不能动弹。这个时候，我听到了贝西的呻吟声。从她的声音里我听出她的情况很糟糕。 “事故发生后不久，一个高速公路巡警便赶到了现场。他听到了贝西的呻吟声，便向她走过去。他看了一眼贝西，掏出手枪，冲她的两眼之间开了一枪。然后，警察穿过马路，手里举着枪朝我走了过来，他看着我说：“你的骡子快不行了，因此我开枪射死了她。你现在觉得怎么样？” i’m fine farmer joe a trucking company for injuries sustained in an accident. in court, the company’s fancy la farmer joe. “didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, ‘i’m fine?’” asked the laot bessie into the trailer and i doain and said, “judge, i am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the high my client. i believe he is a fraud. please tell him to simply anse e and proceeded. “, i had just loaded bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and her dohe semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. “i real bad and didn’t and groaning. i kneroans.” “shortly after the accident, a high and groaning so he un and shot her betun in his hand and looked at me. he said:‘your mule ?’”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 难得糊涂 第三章（1） 难得糊涂 第三章（1） 海军军官候补生 在美国海军学院军官候补生中，我的一个同伴学习成绩很差。他只好到连队军官那里寻找心理安慰。“你的成绩太差劲了，” 军官训斥他说，“你在学习中是否存在什么问题？” “没有啊，先生。”候补生回答道，“我搞不清楚问题出在哪里，我读我所记的笔记，上课从不迟到，课上也从不讲话，但是不知道为什么，教授们好像都不喜欢我。” 军官坐在椅子上，向后一靠，想了想，问道：“你睡眠充足吗？” 我的同学回答说：“先生，你说的是夜里还是课上？” a midshipman one of my fello poorly in class and reported to his company officer for counseling. “your marks are deplorable!” the officer scolded. “is there a problem that has kept you from your studies?” “no, sir,” the midshipman replied. “i have no idea ht. then he asked, “do you get enough sleep?” my classmate replied, “sir, do you mean at night or in class?” 守门员 我所加入的地方足球队邀请我在星期六的比赛中做守门员。我错过了填登记表的时间，因而不是正式的队员，所以他们告诉我，如果有人问我是谁的话，我就说，我叫利斯·弗克尼——这名队员当时不在场。 星期六那天，比赛间隙中，我站在守门员区域里休息。这时，有一个男人出现在球网的后面。 他对我说：“喂，你叫什么名字？” “利斯·弗克尼。” “哦，很高兴见到你，”这个男人说，“我是你爸爸。” goalkeeper the local football team i had just joined needed me to play goalkeeper in their next saturday match. because i the registration forms i . that saturday, during a quiet interval in my goal area, a man appeared behind the net. “hello, ” he said to me. “y one evening a young man at oxford of a poet read one of his poems to a small group of friends in his room. the poem reatly admired, but as they came ay. “ot to my room i looked in the book from ht the poem your card.” 浮子 有一次，一个酷爱钓鱼的人带着朋友一起去钓鱼。他的朋友对钓鱼一窍不通，但也想试试自己的运气。 他们俩来到河边开始钓鱼。忽然，那位有生以来从未钓过鱼的人说：“哎，那些红色的玩意儿值多少钱?” “你是说那些浮子吗？噢，不贵，你问这个干什么？” “我要赔你一个，我那个浮子刚才沉下去了。” the float once a keen angler and took his friend of fishing, but decided to try his luck.

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 难得糊涂 第三章（2） 难得糊涂 第三章（2） the tan to fish. suddenly the man for the first time in his life said:“i say, hos cost?” “you mean the floats? oh, they’re cheap. goods store. he parked it outside and ular sales reeted him. but he requested to look around alone today before he needed her help. she obliged and let him do his thing. five minutes later, jan came running up to him yelling, “oscar! oscar! i just sa off ot the license plate number!” 错误的警告 多年前，我参加了一个朋友组织的晚餐聚会，女主人拿出她亲手做的美味的蘑菇沙司来款待我们。晚饭过后，还剩下一些沙司，因此女主人决定让她那怀孕的猫也像客人们一样享受这美味。在座的客人都感觉，这个伟大的举动表明这只猫就仿佛是家里的一员一样。 沙司成为最受欢迎的话题，大家都说沙司简直太美味了。因为受到夸奖，女主人露出了微笑。其中一个客人说伞菌像极了蘑菇，只是有毒性而已。假如用它来款待大家，那简直是太可笑了。 仿佛有了暗示一样，那只宠物猫开始在地板上又叫又滚，并且不停地挠自己的肚子。女主人说道：“噢，我的上帝啊，它刚吃了蘑菇沙司呀！” 我们所有的人立即赶往急诊室，并告诉医生我们吃了毒蘑菇。我们都被洗了胃。这可真是一次令人感觉沮丧的经历。 从医院回来以后，那只猫平静地躺在地板上望着我们，它生小猫了！ false alarm years ago a dinner party hosted by some friends of mine the hostess served a meal nant cat to enjoy the treat as uests. the guests all felt it reat gesture and shohlight of the evening’s topic of conversation, everyone commented on houest commented that toadstools toxic, and ho and squirming on the floor, clutching its belly. the hostess exclaimed,“oh my god, it’s the mushroom sauce!” ency room in a mad rush, and had our stomachers pumped after telling them ot back, the cat on the floor peacefully looking up at us, and had given birth to kittens. 那就是您现在的办公室 我刚开始做我现在这份工作时，被安排在一个有着5英尺高隔板的隔间里。3个月之后，我得到了晋升。于是我提出了一个请求，想要拥有一个和我的新职位相符的私人办公室。老板不情愿地告诉我，我有3个选择：第一个是放文件柜和打印机的房间，第二个是一间空办公室，可是有的时候，公司的一个创办人会过来看看，最后一个便是会议室。 在我们商讨了每一种选择方案后，他让我做出选择。为了使做出的选择更危险，我回答：“我想要一个将会带来最少麻烦、影响最少人的那个房间。”一丝微笑从他的脸上掠过，接着他往椅背上一靠，说道：“那就是您现在的办公室。”他说。 that’s the office you have noned to a cubicle h partition. promoted in three monks, i asked for a private office in line to play it safe, i replied, “i ake the least amount of trouble and affect the feile shot across his face, and he leaned backward in his chair.“that’s the office you have now.”he said.

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 难得糊涂 第三章（3） 难得糊涂 第三章（3） 换个工作 医生看了看病人的舌头，号了号脉，敲了敲他的胸部，说道：“还是老问题，朋友。运动量太小，不要否认这个事实。你需要大量的户外运动。走路，走路。” “不过，医生……” “不要同我争辩，我是医生。遵照我的嘱咐，走10倍于你现在所走的路。这是治愈你的疾病的唯一方法。” “然而我的工作是……” “这正是问题所在。你的工作！好吧，换一个工作，这样一来，你就有机会多走动了。你是干什么的？” “我是一名邮递员。” change your business the doctor looked at his patient’s tongue, felt his pulse, knocked on his chest, and began: “same old story, my friend. too much confinement. do not deny it. ue that e your business, so that you can get a chance to checks for my small business nearly impossible. i called my bank to explain that the signature on my checks them that you are requesting this.” 在火车里 尼克和爸爸一起去看望奶奶。在火车上，尼克不时地把头伸出窗外。爸爸对他说：“尼克，安静点，别把头伸出窗外。”可是尼克还是不停地把头伸出了窗外。 这时，爸爸轻轻地摘下尼克头上的帽子，藏在身后，对他说：“瞧，你的帽子被风刮跑了。”尼克一听，大哭着要找回他的帽子。 爸爸说：“好了，吹一声口哨，你的帽子也许会回来。”尼克靠近窗口吹了声口哨，爸爸快速地将帽子戴回到尼克的头上。 啊，太神奇了。尼克开心地笑了起来。他飞快地摘下爸爸头上的帽子，然后扔到窗外，高兴地说：“爸爸，现在该轮到你吹口哨了。” in a train car nick his head out of the an to cry. he hed. he aily. 新手上班 一位新上任的警官和一位经验丰富的搭档坐在警车里初次去巡逻。他们接到一个电话，说让他们去疏散一群闲逛的人。两位警官驱车前往那条街，他们看到有一群人正站在街角。新警官摇下车窗，冲着人群喊道：“街角的人群马上散开。”人们看了他几眼，谁也没有移开。因此他又一次喊道：“那个拐角的人群快点散开……马上！”迫于威胁，人们开始离开那里，并向他这个方向投来疑惑的眼光。带着对自己第一次执行任务的骄傲，年轻的警官把头转向他的搭档，问道：“瞧，我做得如何？”“相当好，”老警官笑着说，“但是这里只不过是一个公共汽车站。” rookie is on the job a rookie police officer them to disperse some people . the officers drove to the street and observed a small-cro on a corner. the rookie rolled doet off the corner people.” a felances, but no one moved, so he barked again. “let’s get off that corner... noroup of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction. proud of his first officer act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, “ood,” chuckled the vet, “especially since this is a bus stop.” 西瓜 在菲律宾，一个女人从一个水果商那里买了一个西瓜，水果商向耍证这个西瓜非常甜，因为是红瓤的。 当这个女人骑车回家时，西瓜在刹车时掉在地上摔裂了，女人吃惊地发现这个西瓜不是红瓤的，而是浅粉色的。于是她返回去找水果商理论。“夫人，”水果商回答，“如果一个人从车子上摔倒在地上，也会吓得脸色发白。更何况是西瓜呢？”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 难得糊涂 第三章（4） 难得糊涂 第三章（4） et shaved. the barber bought one of his brooms, and, ive you a penny, and if you do not think that enough, you may take your broom again.” the man took it, and asked hoive you a half-penny, and if that is not enough, you may put my beard on again.” 遭遇 两个俄罗斯人相遇了。“我昨天打到了一只巨大的熊，”伊万说，“瞧瞧这张皮。” “你是如何找到这么巨大的熊的？”塞格问。 “很简单。”伊万说，“你在洞口吹口哨，当熊出来的时候，你就射击。” 几个星期之后，两个人又见面了，塞格身上绑着绷带。“你没有按照我所说的去做吗？”伊万问。 “当然照做了，我站在洞口吹口哨了。”塞格回答。 “什么东西出来了？” “我认为，”塞格说，“看起来好像是横穿西伯利亚的快车。” experience figantic bear yesterday, ” says ivan. “look at the hide. ” “hoe bears?” sergei asks. “easy，” says ivan. “you stand in front of a cave and ain. sergei is covered in bandages. “didn’t you folloei replies. “and ei, “it looked like the trans-siberian express.” 怎么知道他是个强盗 一天晚上，一位女士走进一家肉店买肉，一名陌生男子跟在她的身后也进了这家肉店。她站在柜台前买肉的时候，这名男子就站在她的旁边。突然间，这位女士尖声叫了起来，这名男子掉头就跑。他刚一出店门，恰巧与一个过路的巡警撞了个满怀。经过一番搜查，巡警发现他的身上藏着凶器。后来，人们认出他就是那个臭名远扬的拦路抢劫犯。 “詹姆士太太，假如不是你尖叫，我的店肯定被他打劫了，”这个屠户满怀感激地说，“可是，你是怎么知道他是个强盗的呢？” “我也不知道，”詹姆士太太否认说，“我之所以尖叫，是因为你把那块烤肉的价格告诉了我。” ho to buy some meat. a strange man folloht into the arms of a passing patrolman. on searching him he ratefully. “but hooing to cost me.” 针锋相对 马克·吐温应邀去参加宴会，进餐时，他对一位贵妇人说：“夫人，您太美了！” 没想到那位夫人说：“但是非常抱歉，我不能用同样的话语回答你。” 反应灵敏、语言犀利的马克·吐温笑着说：“没关系，你可以像我一样说假话。” tit for tat once mark t the meal he said to a rich lady, “houe, said ile, “it doesn’t matter. you may tell a falsehood just as i did.” 照我的办法去做 一天早上，一个刚刚失去第一份工作的年轻妇女正在报纸上仔细搜索着有关工作的广告。突然，她大声地叫正在厨房里忙碌的母亲过来。 “听听这个，妈妈！”她喊道，“我已经找到挣钱的好方法了。” “发生什么事了？”母亲边问边走进了房间。 “听好啊，”女孩大声地读起一则广告，“你想挣钱吗？给我寄来5先令，另附一个贴好邮票、写好地址的信封。你就会收到一个使你足不出户就能挣到数百英镑的方法。这是姓名和地址。”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 难得糊涂 第三章（5） 难得糊涂 第三章（5） “胡说！”母亲说，“你只会浪费5先令和两张邮票！如果他知道怎么挣钱，为什么他自己不做呢？为什么还要登广告呢？你是不会收到回信的。” “好的，5先令也不多，”她说，“我要试一试。”她去了邮局，买了一张汇款单，把钱寄走了。 两三天后，她收到了一个里面装着一张小纸条的信封，纸上写着：“照我的办法去做。” do as i do one morning a young the advertisements in the paper in search of other money.” “ into the room. “listen,” said the girl, and read the advertisement aloud.“do you s, together you ho your house. then there’s a name and address.” “nonsense!” said her mother. “you’ll only lose shillings and the cost of a postal order and tet an anss isn’t much,” she said. “i can try.” she ht a postal order, and sent it off. tlish co to spell her name for hotel desk clerks, “take it off my luggage,” she once ordered impatiently. three days istered. the guest book read：“miss english coaroo the zoo built a special eight-foot-high enclosure for its nearoo, but the next morning the animal around outside. the height of the fence aroo got out again. exasperated, the zoo director had the height increased to 30 feet, but the kangaroo still escaped. a giraffe asked the kangaroo, “hoh do you think they’ll build the fence?” “i don’t knoaroo. “maybe a thousand feet if they keep leaving the gate unlocked. 病 假 一个军乐队队员来找外科医生看病，说自己的嗓子疼。“让我看看你的喉咙。噢，情况不是那么糟糕，一两天就好。我建议你最好休息一个星期左右。”说完，医生就给那个人开了病假条。 过了一星期，医生刚好在大街上遇到那个人。“你的嗓子感觉怎么样了？”他问。“已经好了，先生。”那人回答。“太好了，”医生说，“你现在可以照常工作了。顺便问一下，你在乐队里演奏的是什么乐器？”“打小鼓，先生。”乐队队员说。 sick-leave a member of a military band came to the surgeon ht in a day or teon gave the man sick-leave. a eon met the bandsman in the street. “hoht noood,” said the surgeon. “you can go back to your duty noent do you play in the band?” “the small drum, sir!” said the bandsman. 快速服务 一个人带着一双鞋去了修鞋店，对鞋匠说：“请帮我修一下鞋吧。” “当然可以，先生。”鞋匠说。 “什么时候能修好呢？”那个人问。 “我有点忙，不过大概星期四就能修好。”鞋匠回答说。 “那好吧。”那个人说着，离开了店铺。 第二天早上，他收到了一封信，告知他在国外有了一份新工作。然后他就坐上飞机离开了。 20年过去了，他回到家乡，想起了那双鞋。 “那双鞋还很不错。”他想，“那个鞋匠还在那里吗？那双鞋还留着吗？我要过去看一看。”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 难得糊涂 第三章（6） 难得糊涂 第三章（6） 看到那个鞋匠依然在那里他感到非常高兴，尽管鞋匠如今已是一个老人了。 “早上好，”那个男人对鞋匠说，“20年前，我拿了一双鞋来让你修。那双鞋还留着吗？” “你叫什么名字？”老鞋匠问。 “史密斯。”那个人说。 “我去看一下，或许还在。” 鞋匠去了储物室，几分钟以后拿了一双鞋回来了。 “在这里呢。”他说，“你要修的是一双棕色的鞋。要知道，我现在有点忙，你星期四再来取吧。” quick service a man took a pair of shoes to a shoe repair shop and said to the shoemaker, “i’d like you to repair these shoes for me, please.” “certainly, sir,” the shoemaker said. “ he received a letter, offering him a job in another country. ood pair of shoes,” he thought. “i o and see.” he h he ,” he said to him. “to, i brought in a pair of shoes to be repaired. do you think you’ve still got them?” “name?” the old shoemaker asked. “smith.” the man said. “i’ll go and see. they may be out back.” the shoemaker the pair of shoes. “here e, four—give or take ten percent, but on average, four.” then the intervieets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits doeant in. “sarge, i just got a telegram that private jones’ mother died yesterday. better go tell him and send him in to see me.” so the sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. “listen up, men,” says the sergeant. “johnson, report to the mess hall. smith, report to personnel to sign some papers. the rest of you men report to the motor pool for maintenance. oh by the eant into his office. “hey, sarge, that eant. a feeant in again, “sarge, i just got a telegram that private mcgrath’s mother died. you’d better go tell him and send him in to see me. this time be more tactful.”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 难得糊涂 第三章（7） 难得糊涂 第三章（7） so the sergeant calls for his morning formation.“ok, men, fall in and listen up. everybody along one day he heard a piano, and follo the sound came to a house on n reading：“miss smith. piano lessons 25 cents an hour.” pausing to listen he heard the young to play one of chopin’s nocturns, and not succeeding very nized him at once. delighted, she invited him in and he sat do her mistakes. miss smith thanked him, and he departed. some months later he returned to the toain he took the same at the sign, he read：“miss smith (pupil of paderevski). piano lessons 1.00 an hour.” 打猎的地方 一辆车上坐满了猎手，他们正在寻找一个可以打猎的地方，因此他们把车开进了一个农场。司机进入一家农舍，询问是否可以打猎。老农夫说：“当然可以，但是你能否帮我一个忙？我这里有一头20年的老骡子，得了重病，我不忍心杀了它，你能帮我一个忙吗？”猎手说：“当然。”说着他便回到了车里。 猎手在往回走的路上，决定着跟朋友们开个玩笑。他走进车里，朋友们问他是否可以打猎，他说：“不可以，但是我要给他点颜色瞧瞧！”说着，就摇下车窗，朝着骡子开了一枪。正当他大叫：“给你点颜色看看！”时，后面乘客的座位上又响起一声枪响，接着一个猎手喊道：“再加一头牛！” a place to hunt a carload of hunters, looking for a place to hunt, pulled into a farmer’s yard. the driver over there is 20 years old and sick back, ho buddies. he got into the car and oing to teach that old cuss a lesson.” un out and blasted the mule. as he exclaimed,“there, that out from the passenger side. and, one of his hunting buddies shouted, “i got the coave his donkey less food, and a lot. noetting used to eating less；and soon he et used to living on almost nothing.” each day roderick gave the donkey a little less food, until it anything. then one day, oing to market ot used to eating hardly anything, it came to the end of its days in this world.”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 难得糊涂 第四章（1） 难得糊涂 第四章（1） 养家之人 两个多年没见面的朋友在超市相遇了。一位女士问：“快告诉我，罗斯，你的儿子乔治现在怎么样啊？” “他现在很好。”罗斯回答，“现在他是个诗人，最近刚在大学获得了文学硕士学位。”“玛丽呢？” “她跟乔治一样聪明。”罗斯说，“她大学毕业了，并且获得了现代艺术学位。” “太好了。小佛莱德怎么样呀？” “他不想上大学……后来他当了一名水管工。如果没有他，我们一家人都得挨饿。” the breade?” “he’s getting along fine.” ruth replied. “he’s a poet. he just received his master’s degree in literature from the university.” “e,” ruth replied. “she graduated from college ree in modern art.” “o to college..., and he became a plumber instead. if it . ” 滑雪课 刚开始上滑雪课时，我便在加利福尼亚猛犸山的初学者坡道上进行练习。我的速度越来越快，但是我忽然意识到我已经忘了停下来的方法。正在这时，我看到一对年轻的夫妇一动不动地站在那里，挡住了我的去路。“当心！快让开！”我喊道。 他们完全没有留意我的警告，刹那间，我们三个人全被埋进了雪里。我们把混在一块的滑雪杆抽出来，找到各自的滑雪板。我连连致歉，解释说我不知道该怎么停下来。 “没事，女士，”那个年轻男子说，“我们不知道应该如何滑动。” ski lessons bet on the beginners’slope at mammoth mountain in california. i began to pick up speed, and suddenly i realized i had forgotten ho couple standing motionless directly in my path. “look out! get out of my , and a moment later the three of us ling poles and recovering skis, i apologized, explaining that i did not kno man. “uage, as dead as it can be. it killed the ancient romans, and no me. 勇敢的经理 辛蒂是一个事业有成的女强人。在她的名下有好几个公司，她每年都有数百万美圆的收入。她将在她的家中为所有公司的经理人举行一个派对。当所有经理都到达她的家中时，他们简直不敢相信自己的眼睛：辛蒂的家竟然是一座豪宅，这是他们所见过的最大的房子。 辛蒂满面笑容地欢迎大家，邀请所有人参观这座房子。 每一个房间都精美绝伦，然而真正让人感兴趣的还是外面。在房子的后面，是一座在场的所有经理人都没有见过的巨大游泳池。 “快看！”有人倒吸了一口气说。这个大游泳池里全都是饥饿的鳄鱼。辛蒂望着这些经理说道：“我之所以带你们到这儿来，是因为我认为胆量是衡量一个部门经理的标准。正是勇气让我成为你们今天所看到的——一个成功人士。” “因此，这就是我给你们每一个人所准备的挑战。” “假如在场的人有谁胆子够大，敢跳进这个池子，穿过那些鳄鱼抵达对岸，我就会给他任何想要的东西，而且会让他梦想成真，无论是每年数百万美圆的收入、我的公司，或是漂亮的豪宅，我都会双手奉送。” 大家听到辛蒂说出的这项惊人的提议全都笑了起来，谁都没有当真。正当他们转身要往屋子里走时，忽然之间，响起了很大的“噗通”落水声。 所有的人都回头望向池子。那个最年轻的经理跳进了池子，正在为了逃生奋力向前游着。所有的鳄鱼都向他游去。他一见到鳄鱼便左躲右闪。 经过痛苦的几分钟，他终于成功地抵达对岸。就在他爬上岸的一刹那，他还被一只大鳄鱼咬住了鞋子。他猛地跌进躺椅，大口大口地喘着气。 辛蒂顿时目瞪口呆，吮忙拿了一条毛巾，递给那个年轻人：“你太令人吃惊了。在我的一生中，我从未见过像你这样的人，你实在勇气可嘉，我会兑现我的诺言。我会给你任何你想要的东西，只要你开口，我都会让你梦想成真。我的所有东西全都是你的了。告诉我，你需要什么？”那个年轻人望着辛蒂说道：“好的，我的确有一个愿望，我想让你告诉我，是谁把我推下池子的！” the courageous manager cindy ers of her companies. she had the party at her house. gest house any of them had ever seen.

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 难得糊涂 第四章（2） 难得糊涂 第四章（2） cindy part est s pool any of the managers had ever seen. “look!” someone gasped. the huge pool ry alligators. cindy looked at her managers, “i brought you all out here for a reason. i think an executive should be measured by their courage. courage is e for each of you.” “if anyone here has enough courage to dive into this pool, sh those alligators, and make it to the other side, i ive that person anything he ive it to them.” everyone laughed at cindy’s outrageous offer. no one took her seriously. as they turned to go back into the house, there est manager for his life. the alligators sed the alligators left and right. after several agonizing minutes, he made it to the edge of the pool. he pulled himself out just as a huge alligator snapped at his shoe. he dropped on to a la. cindy asted. she held out a to man, “you are amazing. i’ve never seen anything like that in my life. you are brave beyond measure and i ive you anything you man looked up at cindy and said, “yes, i do have a christmas break from college, the kid one of the roadblocks that police set up all over the place on nereement that mistake on the part of the father, especially since the kid ot completely trashed, and attempted to drive home. just before he reached massachusetts he hit a roadblock. there et out of the car and stand in a line of people that administered the infamous sobriety test. someho off to the side the police officer hoer to their nose, ht line, etc. at 7：00 am his father got up to ans vermont and one from massachusetts. they immediately asked him if he .”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 难得糊涂 第四章（3） 难得糊涂 第四章（3） one of the policemen asked him if he the car the previous evening, and he said that his son had been the driver. the police officer asked to speak to his son. ht give him. so upon questioning, he admitted that he the car that he had been in vermont, but he said, “no!” or someone. he said that the car at the car he had driven the night before, there oes to the butcher shop to buy a chicken for the sunday meal. the butcher has only one scra bigger?” mrs. michael asks. he pretends to rummage around, and then puts the same chicken back on the scale, hbor in tarry tohbor told him.“but i must ask you to read it here. you knoo out of my library.” some days later the neighbor grass in the garden. “o out of my garden.” 搞错了的副总统 当柯立芝任副总统时，他和夫人住在华盛顿的维拉德饭店。一天晚上，火灾的警报声让所有旅客都来到大厅里。即便这小小的火情被控制住之后，消防队员还是不允许大家离开大厅。最后，柯立芝变得有点不耐烦，起身就要往楼上走。这时，消防队队长拦住他的去路，问道：“你是什么人？”“我是副总统。”柯立芝回答。“那好，去吧！”队长说。可是柯立芝刚刚上了一两级楼梯，又第二次被消防队长叫住了。“你是什么副总统？”队长满腹狐疑地盘问道。“我是美国的副总统。”柯立芝回答。“回来。”消防队长突然怒冲冲地喊道，“我还以为你是饭店的副总经理呢！” （注 vice-president即是“副总统”的意思，也可以指企业的“副总经理”。） the vice-president e and his ton. one evening a fire alarm brought all the guests to the lobby. even after the little fire e finally became impatient and started upstairs, but he e.“all right, go ahead,” said the marshal. but coolidge had only gone a step or te.“come right doht you were vice-president of the hotel.” 巧妙的说法 几年前，我在骑自行车从学校回家的路上出了一点小麻烦：车的踏板坏了，外露的踏板轴划破了我的腿，流了好多血，警察和救护车也来了。 在医院里缝了好多针之后，我想打电话让妻子来接我。可问题是我该怎样委婉地告诉她我在医院，而同时又不让她担心呢？我知道该怎样做了，以下就是我们的对话：

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 难得糊涂 第四章（4） 难得糊涂 第四章（4） “嗨，杰姬，我今天要晚一点回家。我的自行车出毛病了，你能来接我吗？” “出什么事了？” “自行车的踏板坏了。” “你在哪里？” “我啊，踏板把我的腿划破了，我就到医院来让医生看看。”（太好了，她没有担心，当我庆幸自己如此机灵时，却被一个突如其来的问题搞砸了。） “你在哪家医院？” “我也不知道，救护车里没有窗户。” a smooth talker a feo, home from school on my bicycle. i had a bit of a problem; a pedal broke, the shaft cut an artery in my leg, lots of blood, police, the ambulance, etc. after they seently break it to her that i et ood, eh. she et ratulating myself on being so smooth, ot caught the day off from ht’s football vie, a thoughtful look on his lace, i inning to realize just hohts,” i said. “i ,” he replied, “that one of the things i like best about you is ho shortly after being promoted, our overzealous young production manager instructed us that in the future all communication . the follo morning he met a veteran staff member, er. on it raved t.” 吸血蝙蝠的故事 一只满身都是鲜血的吸血蝙蝠在夜间拍打着翅膀飞来，停在洞穴的顶部，准备小睡一会儿。没过多久，其他蝙蝠都闻到了血腥味，开始与他争吵起来，问他的血是从哪里来的。他让他们都走开，让他休息一会儿，可是大家还是坚持不走，直到他妥协为止。“好吧，随我来。”他边说边飞出了洞穴，上百只蝙蝠紧随其后。他们沿着一个山谷飞行，穿过一条河流，进入一片茂密的森林。最后，他渐渐慢下来，所有的蝙蝠都围着他转。“现在，你们看见前面的大树了吗？”他问。“是啊，看见了，看见了！”所有的蝙蝠都狂叫着。“对了，”第一只蝙蝠说，“就因为我没看见！” batty story a vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about ot it. he told them to go aet some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in. “ok, folloh a valley they illed around him. “noed in a frenzy. “good,” said the first bat, “because i didn’t!” 世界上最伟大的击剑手 在一场世界最佳击剑手表演中，排名第三的击剑手率先登场。有人放出一只苍蝇， 击剑手用剑划出一个弧线，苍蝇随即被劈成了两半。看到他的表演后，台下观众一阵欢呼。随后，排名第二的击剑手将一只苍蝇切成了四半。现场立即鸦雀无声，人们期待着世界上最伟大的剑手表演。他的剑锋划出了一条巨大的弧线——令人意想不到的是，那只昆虫还在飞行！观众被眼前的场景惊呆了。最伟大的剑手居然没有碰到他的目标，可他依然保持着微笑。

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 难得糊涂 第四章（5） 难得糊涂 第四章（5） “你为什么这么高兴？”有人冲着击剑手喊道，“你并未击中啊！” “啊，”剑手回答道，“你刚才看得一定不够仔细。苍蝇确实还活着，没错——可他永远也做不成爸爸了。” the e. a fly reatest shty arc—but the insect continued on its hast. the greatest set completely, yet he continued to smile. “ very carefully. the fly lives yet, yes but he at the door reciting a text er came up to him and said, “excuse me, but could you tell me o across the bridge and then turn right. the bridge is only 20 metres long.” the stranger thanked him and across the bridge er truned around and found it shalloave you the direction. i have come to tell you that the bridge is 40 metres long, not 20 metres as i originally said. if you go 20 metres and then turn right, you o ave me the same directions.” 买 票 一天晚上，一位来看演出的观众行为十分怪异。剧院售票处的一位女士对此感到十分困惑。这个男人买完一张票，几分钟后又过来买了一张；他走之后，一会儿又回来买了第三张票。刚走没一会儿又返回来买了第四张票。此时演出已经开始了，售票处的女士说：“先生，我希望您不要介意，有件事我想问问您。您为什么反反复复地买那么多张票？” “每次我刚要走进剧场时，”这位可怜的观众说，“就有个家伙把我的票拿过去撕成了两半。” buying the tickets the just before the shoht a ticket, ain, returned and bought a third ticket. then he ain, returned yet again and bought a fourth ticket. by this time the sho, sir, but back and buying more tickets?” “every time i try to get into the auditorium,” the hapless patron replied, “some chap takes my ticket and tears it in haiti.” 卖 象 一位商人正等着出售一头大象。这时，有个男人走到大象跟前，仔细端详着这头象。商人悄悄在他的耳旁说道：“你千万别说出大象的缺点，等这头象一出手，我就会给你好处的。”这男人说: “好吧。” 卖出大象后，商人把卖象所得的十分之一给了那个人，然后问道：“现在，你能告诉我你是怎么看出这头象的左前腿有毛病的吗？我还觉得这毛病十分椅呢。” “我什么也没看出来。”此人回答。 “那你为什么那么认真仔细地观察每个部位？” “因为我从来没见过大象，想知道大象是什么样的。” selling an elephant a merchant a large elephant. a man came up to the elephant and began to exne it very carefully. the merchant about that elephant till i’ve sold it, and i’ll make you a present,” “all right.”said the man. after the elephant had been sold, the merchanl gave him one-tenth of the price he had got for it, saying,“no of the elephant? i thought it ish.”said the man. “then why did you look so carefully at every part of the elephant?” “because i’d never seen one before, and wanted to know what they were like.”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 难得糊涂 第四章（6） 难得糊涂 第四章（6） 短期假日 亚伦在城里的一家公司上班。他工作十分努力，同时迫切期望假日的到来。 大多数时候，他都是选择去海边休假。但是有一年，他看到报纸上的一则广告：“领略乡村生活。在唯利屋农场度假数周，可享受：美味佳肴、新鲜空气、骑马、散步、垂钓。价格合理。” “这倒是一个不错的选择。”亚伦心想，“我要在唯利屋过上一个月，去享受骑马的乐趣，还要去散步、钓鱼。这肯定和坐在海边的感觉截然不同。” 四天后，他回来了。 “唯利屋怎么样？”他的朋友问他，“你对乡村生活感到不满意吗？” “乡村生活是不错，”亚伦说，“可是有一个问题。” “什么问题？” “第一天，一只羊死了，我们的饭是烤羊肉。” “新鲜的肉是最美味的。” “我知道，可是第二天，一只牛死了，我们吃的是烤牛肉。” “你真是幸运极了。” “你不知道，”亚伦说，“第三天，一头猪死了，我们就吃烤猪肉。” “每天都能吃到不同的烧烤。”杰克惊讶呼道。 “等我说完，”亚伦说，“第四天，农场主死了，我不敢待在唯利屋吃饭了。” a short holiday alan , , fishing. reasonable prices.” this sounds like a good idea, he thought, “i’ll spend a month at , and fishing. they’ll make a change from sitting by the seaside.” four days later he returned home. “ died and htseeing mr. and mrs. smith had al in a small inn at the foot of a hill. one day, hoo to london and stay at a really good hotel around that famous city. they fle. they expected they o to bed hungry, because in that small inn in neht. “are you still serving dinner?” asked mr. smith. “yes, certainly, sir,” ans, lunch from thts of london!” said mrs. smith. 合理的选择 艾尔曼·琼斯被派往新兵征召中心，负责向新兵介绍政府的保险抚恤金，特别是军人保险。 不久，史密斯上尉注意到艾尔曼·琼斯有着惊人的成功率，凡是接受过他推荐的新兵几乎全都买了保险。 史密斯上尉并没有直接去问琼斯，而是在房间的后面悄悄地听琼斯的销售秘密。 琼斯向新兵解释了保险的基本内容，然后接着说：“假如买了这份保险，你在战场上牺牲后，政府会补贴给你的受益人20万美圆；如果你没有买这份保险，在战场上牺牲后，政府只会补贴6000美圆。” “那么，”他总结说，“你认为他们首先会派谁去战场上呢？”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 难得糊涂 第四章（7） 难得糊涂 第四章（7） the logical choice airman jones ned to the induction center, overnment benefits, especially their gi insurance. it before captain smith noticed that airman jones a staggeringly high success-rate, selling insurance to nearly 100％ of the recruits he advised. rather than ask about this, the captain stood in the back of the room and listened to jones’ sales pitch. jones explained the basics of the gi insurance to the neo into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200, 000 to your beneficiaries. if you don’t have gi insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000.” “noroup do you think they are going to send into battle first?” 8点45了 一位男士开了一夜的车，已经筋疲力尽了，于是他决定把车停在路边睡一会儿。他刚刚收拾好准备睡觉，就有人敲车窗。 他睁开眼睛，看到一位慢跑者。这位慢跑者问：“打扰一下，现在几点了？” “8点10分。” “谢谢。”一个人说完就走了。这位男士刚刚入睡，又被一阵敲窗声吵醒了。 “现在几点了？”一位徒步者问。 “8点25分。”男士觉得很烦，便在窗户上贴了一张字条，上面写着：“我不知道现在几点了！” 又有人敲车窗！他再一次被吵醒。 他生气地摇下车窗。 “什么事？”他冲着站在那里的一个孩子喊道。 “现在是8点45分。” it’s 8∶45 exhausted after driving all night, a man decided to pull over to get some sleep. he had just settled back to snooze ger, off. the man had just dozed off again n in his ain. sco, the man roiled do there. “it’s 8:45. ” 汽车上的小偷 史密斯先生送给妻子10张崭新的1英镑钞票作为生日礼物。生日过后，史密斯太太就去购物了。她排队坐公交车，上车后坐在一位老太太的旁边。过了一会儿，她注意到那个老太太的包打开了。她看到了一叠1英镑的钞票，像极了丈夫送给她的那些。于是她立刻看了一下自己的包——钱不见了！史密斯太太认定是坐在她旁边的这位老太太偷的。她想她应该报警，可是，又不想大惊小怪地给大家惹麻烦，于是她决定一声不响地把钱从老太太的包里拿回来。她看了一下周围，确定没有人注意她，便悄悄地把手伸进了老太太的包里，把钱拿出来放进了自己的包里。 晚上回到家后，她把新买的那顶漂亮的帽子拿给她的丈夫看。 “你用什么钱买的？”丈夫问。 “当然是用我生日时你送给我的钱啦。” “啊？可是，那又是什么？”他说着，指了指桌上放着的那叠10英镑的钞票。 a thief on the bus mr. smith gave his . she queued for a bus, got on and sat do iven her. so she quickly looked in her o, —the notes one! mrs. smith next to her had stolen them. she thought she a fuss and getting people into trouble, she decided to take back the money from the old lady’s handbag and say nothing more about it. she looked round the bus to make sure nobody , then she carefully put her hand into the old lady’s bag, took the notes and put them in her o. ot home that evening, she shoht. “hoave me for my birthday, of course.” she replied. “oh? the plumber the explorer heard the sound of drums coming from deep le, so in the spirit of discovery he slashed his h the thicket in search of the drums. at last he came to a clearing e tribe on a hollo.

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 难得糊涂 第四章（8） 难得糊涂 第四章（8） through his native interpreter the explorer said to the the plumber.” 那男子是谁 一家小旅行社的老板看见一对靓丽的男女正在看他们的旅游广告牌，忽然间有了灵感。于是，他跑到那对男女面前，把自己的想法告诉他们：“我为你们提供一次免费的旅游，但你们需要在广告中称赞我的旅行社来作为交换条迹” 三个星期后，旅行社的老板在机场看见了他们。当那位男士去检查行李时，旅游代理询问了那位女士的旅游情况。“船上的食物很可口，”她说，“并且飞越科罗拉多大峡谷也很刺激，但是我有一个问题，那个我每天晚上都要和他睡在一起的男人是谁啊？” ency saazing at his travel poster. suddenly inspired, he ran up and told them his idea. “i’ll give you an all-expenses-paid vacation in exchange for appearing in ads endorsing my agency.” they agreed on the spot. three gage, the travel agent asked the the colorado ht?” 歌德的容忍 一次，歌德在魏玛一个公园的小路上散步。那条小路非常狭窄，不巧的是，他恰恰碰到了一位对他心存敌意的评论家。他们两人都停了下来，望着对方。接着评论家开口了：“我从不会给一个傻瓜让路。”“可是我会。”说着，歌德退到了一边。 goethe’s tolerance goethe on a narro at each other. then the critic said,“i day is 8 hours—that’s one third of a day, so over the year that’s 122 days. the office is shut on sundays, so that’s 52 off, making 70 days. then you have t here at all. yet you’re asking me for a rise!”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 难得糊涂 第五章（1） 难得糊涂 第五章（1） 交通警察的外交辞令 多年前，一个朋友开着一辆60年代末生产的笨重汽车以每小时100英里的速度在限速公路上行驶。很快就有一位警官严厉地对他说：“请出示驾照和登记卡。”几分钟后，他收到一份书面警告，因为他在每小时65英里的限速公路上行驶的速度已经达到每小时100英里。 违规者说：“我是无意识的，可是你是怎样决定给票和给书面警告的呢？” 警察说：“那取决于……违反者的本性……公路情况……天气……违反者的态度……或者是在我的票开完了的情况下。” diplomacy o a friend his late ’60s muscle car on a turnpike at about 100 mph. soon an officer sternly stated, “license and registration.” several minutes later he returned for driving 100 in a 65 zone. the offender said, “not to be disrespectful, but hoive a ticket and ive a ?” the officer stated. “it depends on...the nature of the offense...the condition of the road...the ne on the problem and come up over to his phone, he called the vatican city and asked to speak to the pope, indicating that he because i attached...” “oh?” “you knoed to ‘give us this day our daily chicken’.” “oh, i see...” the pope covers the microphone and yells to the cardinal attending him, “ho do ht loaf, less payment a boy bought a tht,” said the boy, and laid do the shop, the baker called him, “hi! you haven’t give me the price of the loaf.”“oh, never mind,” said the boy kindly, “you’ll have the less to count.” 不明智的想法 一个骑警把车停了下来，告诉一个男人他在每小时40英里的限速公路上开到了每小时50公里。 “没有，我就是以每小时40英里的速度开的。”那人抗议说。 “我的雷达显示你没有！”骑警说道。 “是的，我就是！”那人再次抗议。 “不，你没有！”骑警说。 就在这个时候，那个男人的妻子斜身对着窗外说道：“警官，我应该警告你，在我丈夫喝醉的时候不要跟他争吵。” bad idea a state trooper pulled a car over and told the man driving that he oing 50 mph in a 40 mph zone. “i oing 40!” the driver protested. “not according to my radar,” the trooper said. “yes, i ue .” 阿尔伯特·爱因斯坦的大衣

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 难得糊涂 第五章（2） 难得糊涂 第五章（2） 一天，在纽约的大街上，著名的科学家爱因斯坦碰到了一位老朋友。 “爱因斯坦先生，”朋友说，“看来你该换一件新大衣了。看，这件都这么旧了。” “不要紧。”阿尔伯特·爱因斯坦回答，“在纽约没有几个人认识我。”几年过去了，他们又在纽约重逢了。此时的爱因斯坦已经成了世界闻名的物理学家，可身上还是原来的那件旧大衣。朋友忍不住劝他换件新的。 “现在没有必要了，”爱因斯坦说，“纽约的每个人都认识我了。” albert einstein’s overcoat one day the famous scientist albert einstein came across an old friend of his in a street in neain. einstein had become a as young some of alvin’s old friends about the young people in their toreed that old people people. then one of the old men said, “but young men are stronger than old men.” all of them agreed that this no man.” “ man i used to try to move it, but i couldn’t because i enough. i am an old man noe redoes to h-pitched do,” the foreman says, “ an old lady through the park . “does your dog bite?”she asked. “no,”said je. , it almost bit her fingers off. “i thought you said your dog doesn’t bite!” screamed the old lady from her hand. “that’s right,” ans doesn’t bite—but that’s not my dog.”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 难得糊涂 第六章（1） 难得糊涂 第六章（1） 便宜的西服 一个人正在买一件很便宜的西罚 “可是左边的袖子胰右边的长出很多呀。”他抱怨说。 “这就是这套西装便宜的原因，”售货员解释道，“只要你把左肩耸起一点，就像这样，下巴把左领压低一点，就像这样。” “可是右边的裤腿有点短呀。”顾客争辩说。 “没关系的，”售货员回答说，“只要把你的右膝弯曲一点，就像这样走路，没有人会在意的。这就是这套西装只卖30美圆的原因。” 最后，这个人买下了那套西装，高高耸起他的左肩，下巴压低左领，弯曲右膝，一瘸一拐地走向他的汽车。 两位医生刚好经过，注意到了他。“天啊，”第一位对另一位医生说，“跛着脚的这个人真是可怜啊。” “是啊，”另一位医生回答说，“不过那套西装正合身啊！” cheap suit a guy sold a very cheap suit. “but the left arm is a lot longer than the right arm,” he complained. “that’s ain.” the sales clerk explained. “just cock your left shoulder up a little, like this, and tuck this left lapel under your chin a bit, like this.” “but the right leg is ued the customer. “no problem.” the sales clerk ansht knee bent a little at all times, uy bought the suit, cocked his left shoulder into the air， tucked the suit’s left lapel under his chin, bent his right knee, and limped out of the store to and noticed him. “good heavens,” the first doctor said to the second, “look at that poor crippled felloreat?” 公主青蛙 有个名叫弗瑞德的男子正走在回家的路上。他家就在一条大河附近的小镇里。那是一个美丽的夏日，阳光普照，天空蔚蓝，万里无云。 正当走着的时候，一只青蛙对他说：“很抱歉，我原来是一个美貌的公主。一个邪恶的女巫对我施了咒语，把我变成了青蛙。假如你吻我一下，我就能变回美貌的公主。看样子，你就是那种很难认识女孩的人。” “假如你吻我一下，把我变回公主的话，作为回报，我会帮你一个忙。我会整个星期都陪着你，你可以带着我出去约会。” 年轻人弯下腰，捡起这只青蛙，放到自己的衬衫口袋里。这只青蛙再次开口说话：“老兄，我觉得你可能没有听清楚我说的话，或者是你认为我给的条件不够好。你看这样怎么样？假如你能吻我一下，让我变回公主的话，我会陪你两个星期。在这两个星期之内，你可以带着我，向你的那些朋友炫耀，并且可以和我约会。” 弗瑞德从口袋里拿出那只青蛙，冲着它笑了笑，又把它放回了口袋。青蛙大叫道：“假如你能吻我一下，让我变回公主的话，我就陪你一个月。”弗瑞德将那只青蛙又一次拿了出来，冲着它笑了笑，又一次把它放回到衬衫口袋里。 最终，青蛙问道：“你这是怎么了？我已经告诉过你，我是一个美貌的公主，而且也告诉你，假如你能吻我一下，我就会变回人形。我还告诉你假如你能那么做的话，我就会陪你一个月。假如我答应陪你两个月呢？你会不会吻我？” 弗瑞德摇了摇头，“我不明白，你为什么不肯吻我？”青蛙大叫道。“听好了，小姐，”弗瑞德说，“我在认识女孩方面根本没有问题。实际情况是，我已经开心地结婚了。我的妻子不会答应你和我们住在一起，我也不会和你出去约会，因此我绝对不会吻你。因为假如那样做的话，我的妻子会很生气。” “然而有一样东西她和我都很喜欢，那就是青蛙腿。我们在法国的时候，曾经品尝过。天啊，简直太好吃了！但是现在，我们需要马上回家，因为晚餐时间快要到了！” the princess frog a man named fred doe river. it and the sky called out to him as he passed and said, “excuse me. i am a beautiful princess. an evil . if you kiss me, i’ll turn back into a beautiful princess. you look like the kind of guy that has a hard time meeting girls.” “if you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, i’ll do you a favor. my reet to take me out on dates for a man bent over, picked up the frog and put it in the pocket of his shirt. the frog spoke up again and said, “i’m not sure you heard me correctly, pal. or maybe you out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to his pocket. the frog cried out, “if you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, i’ll stay ain fred took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into the pocket of his shirt.

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 难得糊涂 第六章（2） 难得糊涂 第六章（2） finally, the frog asked, “reed to stay yelled. “listen, lady,” fred said, “i don’t have trouble meeting girls. in fact, i’m happily married. there’s no oing to kiss you. that that she and i both really enjoy frog legs. e baseball fans. during their entire lives, john and dave talked baseball. they ames a year. they even agreed that ht, john passed a the yankee victory earlier in the evening. a fehts later, his buddy dave aood neood neood ne tomorroht.” 农场里最懒的人 一个农场主在他的农场里雇用了10个人，可是没有一个人像他所想的那样猾干活的。他想出一个计划，相信一定能够改掉佣人们的懒惰习惯。 “各位，”一天早上他说，“我这里有一份体面而且轻松的工作，是为农场里最懒的人准备的。请最懒的人向前走一步。” 其中的9个人马上站了出来。 “你为什么不和其他人一起站出来？”农场主问剩下的一位。 “太累了。”那个人回答。 the laziest man on the farm a farmer had ten employees on his farm, and none of them etic as the farmer thought he should be. he hit upon a plan ,“i have a nice, easy job for the laziest man on the farm. one. “too much trouble,” came the reply. 乞 丐 一个全身肮脏、衣衫褴褛的乞丐向一个过路的男人讨要几美圆的饭钱。男人掏出钱包，取出两美圆对乞丐说：“假如我给了你这些钱，你会不会去买威士忌？” “不会，我几年前就已经把酒戒了。”乞丐说。 “你会不会拿这些钱去赌博？” “我不赌博。我仅仅是需要一些生活必需品。” “你会不会用这些钱去学高尔夫？” “你疯了！我已经20年没打高尔夫了！” 男人说：“好吧，我不给你这两美圆了。我要把你带回家，让我的妻子为你准备一顿美餐。” 乞丐吃惊地说：“你这样做，你的妻子不会生气吗？我很脏，还有一股臭味。” 男人回答说：“没事，我只是想让她看看，一个戒酒、戒赌、不打高尔夫的人会变成什么样！” the bum a man in the city, bum ave you this money, years ago,” the bum said. “amble?” “i don’t gamble. i need everything i can get just to stay alive.” “reens fees at a golf course?” “are you nuts! i haven’t played golf in 20 years!” the man said, “oing to give you toing to take you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife.”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 难得糊涂 第六章（3） 难得糊涂 第六章（3） the bum that? i knoiven up drinking, gambling, and golf.” 怎么回事 一个男人在酒吧遇到一个朋友，他正在独自喝闷酒。于是他走上前去，问道：“你的脸色看起来不太好，发生什么事了？” “我的妈妈6月份去世了，”他说，“她留给我1万美圆。” “咳，真是太不幸了。”他回答。 “接着，在7月份，”他的朋友继续说，“我的父亲也去世了，他留给我5万美圆。” “原来如此，在两个月之间，父母双双去世，也难怪你如此难过。” “上个月，我的姑姑又去世了，她留给我1万5千美圆。” “3个月之内有3个亲人去世，这该是多么痛心啊。” “然后在这个月里，”他朋友继续说，“没人死了。” by himself. approaching the friend he comments,“you look terrible. h,” he replied. “then in july,”the friend continued, “my father died, leaving me $50, 000.” “one in t!” 记性差 一对老夫妻的记忆力不太好，因此他们参加了一个记忆训练班。训练课程很不错，他们回到家，把情况告诉了他们的亲戚、朋友和邻居。几个月之后，一个邻居找到了正在清理花园的这个男人。 邻居说：“艾德，我问你，你非常感兴趣的那个记忆训练班的老师叫什么名字啊？” 艾德说：“噢，他叫……嗯……让我想一想……是一朵花的名字，你知道的，闻起来很香，可是茎上有刺的……” 邻居说：“你的意思是rose?” 艾德说：“噢，就是……（冲着屋内大喊）嗨，rose，记忆训练班的老师叫什么名字？” memory trouble seems that an old couple are having trouble remembering things, so they sign up for a memory course. the course is hbors about it. some months later, a neighbor approaches the man as he tends the garden. neighbor: say, ed, hbor: you mean a rose? ed: yeah, that’s it... (shouting to in and out of a coma for several months, yet his faithful ht. one night, jake comes to and motions for her to come closer. he says,“my sadie, you have been h all the bad times. ot fired, you ot shot, you ave me support. , you ently. “i think you’re bad luck.” 鸡肉馅饼 我的朋友爱德华对鸡肉馅饼情有独钟，以前他常常到“阳光”餐厅用餐，这家餐厅因为美味的鸡肉馅饼而享誉四方。几个月之后，由于他光顾的次数多了，便成了经理的熟人，两个人常常在一起聊天。有一天，话题谈到了闻名的鸡肉馅饼上，爱德华一向喜欢追根问底，他说：“告诉我，普罗斯帕，你的这些馅饼里面究竟放了什么？都是鸡肉吗？” “哦，先生，”普罗斯帕回答，“是这样的，假如我们的鸡肉馅饼只放鸡肉的话，就很难定出一个合理的价格。因此有的时候，我们会加入一些其他的肉馅。” “原来如此，我猜没准是猪肉，或许是牛肉。”爱德华问道。 “哦，先生，”普罗斯帕带着一丝犹豫说道，“假如要我告诉你真相，你必须答应保守秘密。”爱德华答应了。普罗斯帕继续说道：“先生，实际情况是，依照定量搭配，我们会加入一些马肉——当然，很少的一部分，然而的的确确是马肉。” “真的吗？但是馅饼一直以来都很美味，没有人会想到里面加了马肉。顺便问一下，你会用多少？这是商业机密吗？” “好的，先生，我并不介意告诉你，可是你必须守口如瓶。其中的数量大概是每样一半。”

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 难得糊涂 第六章（4） 难得糊涂 第六章（4） “噢，一半一半。”爱德华说。 “是的，先生，换一种说法就是，”普罗斯帕回答，“一只鸡配上一匹马!” chicken pies my friend edht”restaurant, ular visits there he became knoer, and the tether. one day the topic turned to the famous pies, and ede i’ll tell you.” ed to the rationing ood pies all the same, one you, but you must keep it under your hat. the amounts are about fifty-fifty.” “ah, half-half,” said edhtening speed. you shouldn’t er after he has had his head nod. so he ht him, “ that it made his uncle feel surprised and escaped aone. so he asked the passer, “o a safety a couple of young men at their special pond off the beaten track through the hs to catch his breath and the game ht up to him... “let’s see your fishing license, boy!” the asped. ave the game license. “ man, “but my friend back there, on a park bench. the one in the middle a ne to fish. they baited imaginary hooks, cast lines and reeled in their catch. a passing policeman stopped to an in the middle if he knew the other two.

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 难得糊涂 第六章（5） 难得糊涂 第六章（5） “oh yes,” he said. “they are my friends.” “in that case,” et them out of here!” “yes, sir,” the man replied, and he began ro furiously. 你见过像那样的猪吗？ 曾经有一个城里人到了一个小农庄，在游览村庄的时候，他看到一个农民正在用一种极为特别的方法喂猪。农民在一棵苹果树旁把一头猪举起来，于是这头猪就吃到了树上的苹果。农民举着猪从一棵苹果树挪到另一棵苹果树，直到这头猪吃饱为止，然后他又举起另一头猪。 那个城里人看到这种举动，非常惊讶。最终，他忍不住问那个农民：“这是我能够想象的效率最低的喂猪方法。假如你能把苹果从树上摇下来，让猪在地上吃，就很省时间了！” 农民满脸困惑地回答：“猪怎么会懂时间啊？” have you ever seen a pig like that? there a small farm, and during this visit he sa pigs in a most extraordinary manner. the farmer up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig from one apple to another until the pig ain . the city man reat astonishment. finally he could not resist saying to the farmer, “this is the most inefficient method of feeding pigs that i call imagine. just think of the time that s eat them from the ground!” the farmer looked puzzled and replied, “?” 传 过 去 我的丈夫迈克尔、我，还有他的老板——一位严厉的老人在一家餐厅就餐。当迈克尔开始讲一个故事时，我确信他曾经讲过，于是在桌子底下踢了他一脚，可他没有任何反应。接着我又踢了他一脚，可他还在继续。忽然他停了下来，笑着说：“噢，我曾经讲过这个故事是吗？” 我们都咯咯地笑了起来，随即卒了话题。后来在舞池跳舞时，我问丈夫为什么要用如此长的时间才明白我的意思。“你是什么意思？”他回答，“你一踢我，我就停止了啊。” “可是我踢了你两次啊，好长时间你才停止！” 忽然，我们明白发生了什么，于是回到座位旁边。老板笑着说：“没关系，当踢我第二脚的时候，我就知道那不是冲我的，于是我就传了过去。” pass along my husband, michael, and i an a story i ave him a kick under the table. there ave him another kick. still the story ed the subject. later on the dance floor, i asked my husband to get my message. “ht it .” 尴尬 我一直想方设法让我的朋友迈克——一个摇滚迷——对古典音乐产生兴趣。我主动提出买两张莫扎特纪念节的票，他欣然前往，并且看起来好像喜欢上了交响乐。 音乐会散场后，我提到莫扎特的音乐是如何触动了我。“有些时候，我简直可以听到他在音乐中的声音，感觉就像他在对我倾诉一般。”我说。 迈克表情庄重地点点头表示赞同。“是的，”他说，“我明白你的意思。” 因为他兴趣的卒，我感到十分开心，我问他是怎样感受音乐的。 他回答道：“交响乐对我说，‘睡吧，迈克，睡吧。’” discomfiture i had been trying to get my friend mike-a rock’ n roll fan-interested in classical music. ly agreed to accompany me and seemed to enjoy the symphony. after the concert, i mentioned hoh he’s talking to me,” i said. mike nodded his head in solemn agreement.“yes,” he said. “i kno very pleased that i had made a “convert”, i asked to him. he replied, “it said ’go to sleep, michael. go to sleep.” 对惩罚的选择 三个囚犯企图从监狱逃出去，可是他们都被抓住了，还受到了惩罚。 狱警说：“本来狱长要打你们每人3鞭子，可是你们可以选择一种东西盖在你们的背上，你们好好想想吧？” 詹金斯说：“油。” 狱警说：“好的，把油抹上。现在……第一下！” 詹金斯喊道：“啊啊啊……” 狱警说：“第二下！” 詹金斯喊道：“噢，天啊！宽恕我吧! 宽恕我吧!” 狱警说：“第三下！” 詹金斯喊道：“啊啊啊……”（他晕了过去）

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。 难得糊涂 第六章（6） 难得糊涂 第六章（6） 狱警说：“下一个，你，巴克斯特，你想盖什么？” 巴克斯特（很强健）说：“什么都不要。” 狱警说：“那你忍着吧……第一下！” 巴克斯特说：“不痛！” 狱警说：“第二下！” 巴克斯特大笑：“哈哈哈！” 狱警说：“第三下！” 巴克斯特说：“我没流一滴汗！” 狱警说：“最后轮到你了，古德斯丁，你想要盖什么？” 古德斯丁说：“我想把巴克斯特盖在我的背上！” choice of punishments three prisoners attempt an escape from prison, but are caught and must be punished. prison guard:“ok, the governor has prescribed punishment of three lashes each, but you may have on your back the covering of your choice. jenkins, you first. hhhhh (faints).” pg:“next, you baxter, uy): “nothing,” pg:“have it your ed a mercedes benz, and after a long trial, the jury acquitted him. later that day carlson came back to the judge . “your honor,” he said, “i et out a e,“he accounts mr. black gave his , but she al mr. black asked her, “but ht home an exercise book and pencil and gave them to his et money from me, e, and on opposite page e she had ot $18 from john”, and on the opposite page, “tuesday, 2nd july. i have spent it all.” [end]

狠男人小说最快更新，无弹窗阅读请。